The Show on the Road

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In less than a month, the Wine and Gold will not only be back to work, they’ll have already taken their show on the road – opening against Atlanta at the Cintas Center in Cincy before their first actual road game against the Sixers on October 8 at the Wells Fargo Center.

Normally, I write Cavs.com pieces in the royal “we.” But this piece is about my personal observations from the road. I’m sure the rest of the Cavaliers traveling caravan have their own.

I’ve been blessed to have a job that allows me to travel to every arena in the NBA. (Sadly, I’ve never been to any arena other than Browns Stadium in the NFL. And I’ve only seen a handful of MLB games in ballparks that weren’t Progressive Field. I’ll bet the great Andre Knott could spin some incredible tales from both.)

Around the league, some things change every year. And some things stay exactly the same – year after year. Both are great for the NBA.

Before we hit the road, it’s important to recognize home, sweet, home: Quicken Loans Arena – one of, if not THE, best gyms in the Association on several levels.

Starting with the most obvious: Quicken Loans Arena is always packed. And that’s not just since LeBron’s return. Cavs fans jammed the arena with positive energy through the darkest of days. When the Wine and Gold snapped their 26-game losing streak against the Clippers back in 2010, an impartial observer might’ve thought Cleveland clinched a playoff spot.

In terms of fan interaction and in-game entertainment, The Q is without equal in the NBA. We have two mascots, two dance teams – (the Scream Team is the league’s best, hands-down) – and a Humongotron that shoots flames.

From a media perspective – and yes, I’m biased – there is no arena whose pregame media meal compares with the Cavaliers’.

Sure, you won’t see Denzel Washington eating with Adam Sandler or Penny Marshall, like you might before a game at Staples Center. And now that Jerry Sloan has retired, you won’t spot him and long-time assistant Phil Johnson actually eating with media and regular employees. But the variety and quality of the Cavs’ pregame spread – ranging from big breakfast to Rocco’s fish tacos – simply cannot be topped.

I could go on all day about how Cleveland rocks. But you guys already know that. And besides, this piece is about life away from the comfy confines of The Q.

Before we go outside the family, here are a few points about what it’s like on the road with the Cavaliers …

* As you’d probably expect, LeBron pretty much sets the mood of the team. If he’s all-business, the squad’s all business. If he’s in a silly mood, that usually permeates through the team too. Among a group comprised of alpha dogs, he’s got the biggest bark and the biggest bite. If you brought someone in from another continent who’d never seen a basketball practice, they’d identify James as the leader in about 15 seconds. He’s simply a physical force of nature. When he returned to practice at Grand Canyon University in Phoenix last year after missing eight games, you could literally feel him thumping up and down the court in practice.

* Besides being the league’s best player, he’s also one of the Association’s most humble and grounded guys. For example: the players sit in the front of the plane, the coaches sit in the center and the rest of the staff sits in the back. On separate occasions this past season, LeBron came to the back of the plane to apologize to the staff: once for being about 10 minutes late to the airport and once for putting up a subpar (for him) performance in a loss.

* If Anderson Varejao seems like he’s rarely serious when he’s not on the floor, it’s because Anderson Varejao is rarely serious when he’s not on the floor.

* There are two buses that head from the team hotel to the arena. Most of the players, coaches and staff head over on the first bus – which gets everyone to the arena about two hours before tip-off. Usually the younger players and some assistant coaches (like Vitaly Potapenko and Phil Handy) head over to the arena earlier in the day to get in some extra work.

* Because the traveling group – (between 30-35 people usually travel) – is basically confined to big traveling tubes (like buses and planes) the entire winter, if one person gets sick, odds are the bug will run through the entire group before its done.

* If you ever wonder how LeBron chooses which shoes he’s wearing on any given night – he says it’s a collaborative effort between himself and Cavs Director of Team Operations, Mark “Cobra” Cashman.

* Nobody – NOBODY – on the Cavaliers’ squad (and possibly in the current NBA) dresses with more flair and originality than Iman Shumpert – from the suit-and-tie-and-shorts combo he wore in the Finals to the “Pale Rider” look he had working in Chicago two rounds earlier.

* Sometimes before the game, James Jones will read a business or finance book at his locker. (The pregame locker room – open from 90 minutes before tip-off until 45 minutes before – can be an awkward setting. Reporters want to get a pregame story – without disturbing guys who are getting their heads ready for battle.) But no matter when you ask Jones a question, he’ll return a thoughtful, carefully-crafted answer. He’ll never respond with a cliché, even when the question warrants one.

* Although he gives off the outward vibe of the stoic Russian, Timofey Mozgov – who actually hates the cold and wears a hat that says “%@# the Cold!” – is actually quite hilarious when he gets comfortable around you.

* When the Cavaliers arrive at any hotel across the country, there’s always a gaggle of fans and autograph-seekers ready for them. Whether it’s a sub-zero late night in Chicago or the sun is pounding down all morning in Orlando, there’s not a time that the Cavs board the bus without them. When the team arrives, fans are waiting.

Most players agree on the toughest places to play in the league.

In certain arenas, fans love their team and despise the opponent. In others, they love their team but have a certain admiration for the opponent. In Boston, Chicago, Utah, San Antonio, Houston and the Grindhouse in Memphis, you won’t see many wine and gold jerseys in the stands.

In cities like L.A., New York and Atlanta, fans love their home team, but they come to cheer superstars – regardless of affiliation. They love Kyrie Irving in New York and Portland. New York loves LeBron less than they used to, but the “ooooohhhhhs” and “ahhhhhhhs” are unavoidable when the King comes to the Big Apple.

And then there’s a few places that WILL be tough once their team gets better, like Sacramento and Philadelphia – great, passionate fans who just haven’t had a lot to cheer about over the last few years.

Speaking of Philly …

We can all agree that “Come On, Cavs” – the funky 70s fight song of the Wine and Gold is the greatest NBA team song ever written. But if there’s a tune that places a close second, it’s “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Sixers.”

Even if you’re a fan of the opponent, it’s pretty hard not to sing along when they start jamming this song early in the fourth quarter. (ESPN’s excellent Cavs beat reporter and Philly native, Dave McMenamin, struggles to resist.) Another Philly native, G. Love (and Special Sauce) have a song based on it called “I-76” – which is especially entertaining if you weren’t a fan of the Larry Bird Era Celtics.

(Totally unrelated to the song, the Wells Fargo Center has an overhang behind the arena and above where opponents team buses wait during the game. Afterwards, notoriously nasty Philly fans can bark at opposing teams before they get on the bus. A couple years ago, fans unleashed a profanity-laced tirade at Cavs’ play-by-play man, John Michael, thinking he was Brian Scalabrine.

We already acknowledged that the Scream Team is the top dance troupe in the NBA. And if they’re the best, here are the dancers that round out the Top 5.

2. Mavs Maniaacs – Dallas: Many years ago around the league, teams thought it’d be great to have a “fat guy dance team.” The Q even experimented with it a few years ago; I believe we called them “Beefcake on the Lake.” But teams eventually outgrew this trend. Not Dallas, which still loves its bulbous ballerinas: the Mavs Maniaacs.

3. Gold Suit Guy – Golden State: When you see Golden State’s Gold Suit Guy being interviewed, he seems like your average college kid. But when you see him do his dance at Oracle Arena – I think it’s called “The Bernie” – he contorts into a gyrating, sneering Rowan Martin (“Mr. Bean”) and it’s absolutely mesmerizing. He goes into it around the 40-second mark.

4. Geno - Boston: The actual “Gino” is probably a 70-year-old man right now, but his random appearance in a random clip from “Soul Train” made him a cult favorite in Boston; a modern-day version of a Red’s Victory Cigar. In this particularly entertaining clip, we get both Gino and a Gino impersonator. I don’t know if they still play this clip when the Celtics win playoff games. They didn’t win any when we were there last.

5. Palace Usher – Detroit: This guy’s moves took him from the upper deck of The Palace at Auburn Hills to an appearance on “The Jimmy Kimmel Show.” This is how it unfolds in Detroit …

For the record, this guy – who you’ve probably seen at every NBA game ever – is Jimmy Goldstein, a real estate billionaire and the league’s most recognizable super fan.

There’s not much competition for the biggest and smallest visitor locker rooms in the league. If you polled every team, they’d likely have the same answers.

The largest is the locker room in Golden State – so big that some players can’t see their teammates on the other side of it. The reason for its size is that MLB teams visiting the Oakland A’s have used it in the past. (The O.co Coliseum, which houses the A’s and Raiders is right next door.) During the Finals this June, NBA Commissioner Adam Silver held his press conference in the A’s old batting cage.

One interesting detail just outside the visitors’ locker room at Oracle is an autographed hole in the wall about 20 feet in the air across from the locker room. It’s the spot where Dirk Nowitzki threw a chair when the Warriors upset them in 2007. Always the good sport, Dirk signed the spot where he lost his cool.

If Dirk threw a chair in or near the locker room in the Palace at Auburn Hills, he might kill someone. Detroit definitely has the smallest locker room in the Association. There’s barely enough room for players to move around, let alone the media. After a Cavs playoff victory in 2010, Wally Szczerbiak yelled at me for almost “stepping on his dogs” while I waited to interview Boobie Gibson.