Hola, Cavalieros and Cavalieritas! I’m an Optimist, welcoming you to June basketball. To begin the NBA’s Money Round, we’ll be checking in from the Sunny Side of the Bay.
There’s one thing you won’t be reading about in today’s column. Actually, you won’t be reading about any of these things in any of these columns for the rest of the Playoffs …
The Drive, The Shot, The Fumble, Red Right 88, Bottlegate, Dennis Northcutt’s drop, Jose Mesa’s blown save, Kenny Lofton getting the red light at third, Art Modell doing anything, Jim Chones’ broken foot, Dwayne Rudd pulling off his helmet, Bernie Kosar’s release due to diminishing skills and/or 1974’s “10-Cent Beer Night”– an event so heinous and disturbing that, if it were nationally-televised, would have forced the closure of SPORTS for a month.
If you get a different feeling about this year, Cleveland, then you’re feeling exactly the right way.
This year, the Cavaliers come into the NBA Finals having carved a swath of destruction through the Eastern Conference – sweeping their first two challengers, beating opponents at home by nearly 21 points and smoting our Eastern Conference Finals foe by an average of almost 28. They come in tanned, rested and ready.
Kyrie Irving has two good knees and Kevin Love has two good shoulders. On top of that, Jim Chones is on two good feet!
This year, J.R. Smith will be calm and confident. This year, the Wine and Gold come to Oakland with a bolstered second unit. Matthew Dellavedova and Iman Shumpert are healthy and can focus on being defensive diablos. The Wildcat Formation – Richard Jefferson and Channing Frye – has been a godsend off the bench during Cleveland’s postseason run.
At his disposal for the 2016 Finals, Coach Tyronn Lue has a former All-Star in Mo Williams, a former Three-Point Shootout champ in James “Champ” Jones and – if push comes to shove – a seven-footer who dropped 28 points on Golden State last June and rode a Kamchatka brown bear to work one day this season.
Also, they have this guy named TheBron, who I think we can all agree, is very good at basketball.
Here’s the rub …
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The Warriors also have several players who are very good at basketball, including the Association’s unanimous MVP, Stephen Curry. They have the hottest three-point marksman in the Playoffs in Klay Thompson, an All-Defensive First Teamer and triple-double machine in Draymond Green and last year’s Finals MVP, Andre Iguodala.
Steve Kerr was named the NBA’s Coach of the Year as his squad won more regular season games than any team in history – including a pair of victories over our beloved Cavaliers. On Christmas Day, Cleveland shot just 32 percent from the floor in an 89-83 loss at Oracle Arena before the Warriors came to town and boat-raced the Wine and Gold, 132-98, less than a month later.
So here we are, Cavalier fans.
During the calendar year since we were eliminated in six games last June, Grit Squad 2.0 has beaten every team in the league except one.
Optimistically speaking, I believe that’s about to change.
In fact, “change” will be the column’s theme over the remaining 678 words before I leave you.
Normally, this is the part where I usually whine like a little girl about having to do the educational portion of the column, shifting all the blame on cranky, lanky PR jedi, Jeff “Schaef” Schaefer – (who has never had a delicious glass of milk in his life and, despite June 1 being International Milk Day, probably still won’t). But I won’t do that today.
Today, I’m taking full responsibility because, despite being only hours from our Finals rematch with the Warriors, today is just too good!
Why, on This Day in History, the Roundheads defeated the Cavaliers (no relation) – 6-2 – at the Battle of Maidstone in the Second English Civil War, the Beatles released “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band,” and the Heimlich Maneuver was published in the Emergency Medical Journal for the first time in 1974!
That last one is my favorite because of my good friend, road dog and the Cavaliers’ la voz mas excelente, Rafa “El Alcalde” Hernandez-Brito (pictured) – who, using the Heimlich Maneuver, saved a man’s life during pregame media dinner in Portland this season. It was probably the third- or fourth-most interesting thing that happened to him that day.
Today’s Birthdays include all-time greats like Andy Griffith, Smush Parker, Morgan Freeman, (TheBron’s co-star) Amy Shumer, Cleavon Little, Heidi Klum, Paul Coffey and the foxiest woman that’s ever been created, Marilyn Monroe.
Individuals who were medically declared Dead On This Day and, by all accounts, are Still quite Dead include NBA legend George Mikan as well as Helen Keller, Curly Lambeau, Paula Hitler, David Ruffin and the incomparable Tito Puente – who, now that he’s gone, many of you are probably saying: "Oh, I've been listening to him for years, and I think he's fabulous."
And finally – in terms of change – just before I began today’s column, I decided to check on TheBron’s Angry-o-Meter™ and I couldn’t help but thinking the readings were dangerously low.
Turns out, Numeral 23 is only clocking in at a 3.6 to start the NBA Finals. (To put it in perspective, he routinely hits the low 4’s when his Kia K900 hits a chuckhole.)
But before you begin to worry, consider this …
After putting up herculean numbers in last year’s NBA Finals (and all along the way), the King topped the 30-point mark 14 games into the 2016 Playoffs. He’s getting more help than he’s ever gotten in a Cavaliers uniform. This year, now into his 30s, perhaps he’s thinking: Why should I shoulder all the rage?
Now, Kyrie’s admittedly got some rage. J.R.’s got some rage and so does Tristan, even as a Canadian. Richard Jefferson got all up in Jonas’ Lithuanian kitchen last Friday night and even Kevin Love has some rage – even if it’s buried under his bearded brand of Blue Steel.
There were times in the past where TheBron had to shoulder all the fury. On more than one occasion, former Harlem Globetrotter, Jamarius Moon’s Angry-o-Meter readings were in negative numbers!
I predict the four-time MVP comes in cool as the proverbial cucumber. And as Golden State plays nice and there isn’t any tomfoolery or skullduggery or poking of the bear, I predict he’ll save his outbursts for postgame celebration – such as his eruption after last June’s Game 2 victory in Oakland.
I know TheBron’s been pretty reserved during this June’s media availability. But, don’t be scared; that’s just his game-face.
You’re going to see it again soon. And the 2016 Finals will be underway.
I can tell that you're all girded up and ready back home, so I’ll save the schmaltzy pep talks. You know what you have to do. And you know this is how it’s meant to be.
As my man Ahmaad Crumpstyle likes to say: Ain’t nothing left to it but to do it.
We’re winning the damn NBA Championship this year. But we still have a couple weeks’ work before we do.
Time to …
Keep the faith, Cleveland
Tu hermano,
The Optimist