Haho, y’uns. I’m an Optimist – corresponding from Columbus, Ohio: birthplace of Archie Griffin, Buster Douglas, Dwight Yoakam, Guy Fieri, Jack Nicklaus, John Legend, Bobby Rahal, Beverly D’Angelo, RJD2, Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas, three Miss Americas, Li’l Bow Wow, Max and Erma and, of course, the “Macho Man” Randy Savage.
On Tuesday night in the state capitol, the Cavaliers play their final contest of the 2016 Preseason before embarking on their defense of the NBA Crown exactly one week later.
Coach Tyronn Lue has already stated that all of his regulars – including our newest, bestest buddy, J.R. Smith – will participate in Tuesday’s tuneup v. Washington.
Swish officially inked a deal with the Wine and Gold on Saturday, just hours before our beloved Indians won their fifth straight postseason contest – two more events that once again portend the pending Cleveland Sports Renaissance. (More on this later.)
It was all smiles at Cleveland Clinic Courts on Sunday, as Swish re-joined the squad that loves him personally and depends on him professionally.
”I knew the Cavs wanted me and they knew I wanted to be here,” said Smith. “It feels good to be in the gym, be around the guys and just be a part of it.”
Nobody in the Eastern Conference has made more triples than Smith since he arrived in Cleveland two winters ago. Last year, he eclipsed Wesley Person’s regular season franchise record with 204 three-pointers and broke his own mark with 65 more in the postseason.
“It’s great to have him here,” added TheBron. “He’s a brother of ours. We’re happy both sides came to an agreement. It’s time to get to work.”
On Sunday afternoon, J.R. talked about working out during his absence at the state of the art gymnasium in my hometown of Garbage Heights – the Cleveland of Cleveland.
Swish’s momma didn’t raise no fool; he knows that Bulldog Country is where some of the area’s finest-tuned athletes have trained. And he’s not the only Cavalier to have worked out there.
Sonny Johnson’s basketball team is, and has been, one of the best in the state for a few years now. But once again – as in my epic senior season – the football team is struggling mightily (despite finally cracking Ohio’s Top 500 [at 499] with their first win of the season.)
For a while, I was concerned that these Bulldogs would threaten my team’s prestigious 0-9-1 mark – (with yours truly making the game-tying catch at the one-yard line in the final game to preserve our perfect season) – watching each game on pins and needles like Larry Csonka and Mercury Morris of the 1972 Dolphins.
J.R.’s return also means it’s back under the ol’ Team Bus with the bags and equipment for my personal security detail – fellow Garbage Heightian, Joe Vitanza. Luckily, it’s only a two-and-a-half hour ride to Columbus. I gave him a baggie of orange slices and his crayons and he barely made a peep.
C-bus is familiar territory for the Cavaliers, who’ve played 10 preseason games in Columbus, including eight at the Schottenstein Center, where they hold a 5-3 record.
In past preseasons, the Cavaliers have traveled great distances – from Shanghai and Rio De Janeiro to Cincinnati, Ohio and the Paris of Appalachia: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvakia. But this year, Columbus was enough.
On Monday afternoon, the World Champs rolled in to spread some good cheer ahead of their matchup against John Wall and the Wizards.
Following Ohio State’s varsity practice, Tyronn Lue addressed the 2nd-ranked Buckeyes, telling some stories and taking some questions. J.T. Barrett and other players posed with the Larry O’Brien Trophy and Urban Myer took great delight in introducing Austin Carr to the squad. It didn’t matter that J.T. Barrett, for example, was -24 years old when A.C. was the first pick of the Cavs in 1971, he and the Buckeyes were still trilled to meet the one-and-only Mr. Cavalier.
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Later that night – like most of you – we watched our Cleveland Indians continue to defy all odds and move to within one game of sweeping another high-octane American League foe and their first trip to the World Series since 1997.
Terry Francona’s handling of the team has been nothing short of genius – and he’s showing this fall why he might be the game’s best.
In Monday night’s critical Game 3 matchup in Toronto, with starter Trevor Bauer bleeding profusely from his drone-related pinkie injury, Francona cobbled six innings together using Dan Otero, Paul Assenmacher, Sid Monge, Brian Shaw, Doug Jones, Ernie “Macho” Camacho, Jeff Manship, Rich Yett, Zach McAllister, Ricky Vaughn and Heathcliffe Slocumb before turning to Cody Allen in the seventh and the unhittable Adam Miller late in the eighth.
Bauer’s injury nearly knocked both he and I out of Monday’s affair. I consider myself a reasonably rugged individual, but the Optimist is definitely not a fan of blood or personal suffering. I think my condition is called “vasel-vagel” – which is a funnier-sounding and less wussified way of saying that I faint.
Monday reminded me of the night I went to see “Saving Private Ryan.” I fell out halfway through the Normandy beach scene and woke up to Tom Hanks and Ted Danson reading a map in Vichy.
Bauer and the Tribe were no worse for the wear and when the smoke cleared, the Tribe was one game away from the Fall Classic and Cleveland still hasn’t lost a playoff game since the Warriors had the Wine and Gold down, 3-1.
Because it’s only the preseason and I’m hoping to stay out of what the Cavaliers’ training staff calls the “Red Zone” – overworking myself before moneytime rolls around in April – I’m not going to do a big, fakakta history lesson today.
Cavaliers PR jedi, Jeff Schaeffer and his lovely wife, Kaylin, welcomed their first child – Miles – this past summer. And I can just see Schaef breaking my chops about the importance of education and reading and all that stupid crap. I can already tell: that skinny little cuss is gonna be a handful all season.
So, as concisely as possible, I’ll tell you that On This Date – October 18 – America practically stole Alaska from the Russians back in 1867, purchasing the vast territory for $7.2 million, which is, like, my bar-bill at the club. Today also marks the day, in 1851, Herman Melville first published “Moby Dick.” The novel was originally considered a commercial flop, but today’s kids just can’t put it down.
Today’s Birthday’s include jazz legend Wynton Marsalis, Thomas “HItman” Hearns, Lee Harvey Oswald, Mike Ditka, iconic announcer Keith Jackson, Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Chuck Berry, skier Lindsey Vonn, former Browns coach Forrest Gregg and actor Zac Efron, who thought he was the coolest shirtless dude in America until J.R. Smith said: “Watch this …”
Dead On This and Still presumably Dead are Thomas Edison, who invented everything, and Bum Phillips, who invented the “Bum-erooski” --- which is also pretty cool.
This afternoon, the Cleveland Sports Renaissance --- ignited by the Monsters and stoked by the Cavaliers – is set to become a raging conflagration when the Indians smote Joey Bats and his fellow hosers and punch their ticket to the Big Dance.
The next time you and I touch base, I’m expecting our beloved Indians to be rumbling into the World Series. I hope Nurse Ratchet will let me and Cheswick watch it. Cubs or Dodgers – doesn’t matter to me.
That’s all for today, knuckaheads. I gotta go see a man about a dog.
While I do, please remember – (do it for the Tribe!) – to always …
Keep the faith, Cleveland
Your soulmate,
The Optimist