“Feliz Navidad” is español for “Merry Christmas” and I want to wish it to you from the bottom of my heart.
So, just to get it out of the way, we’re not going to work ourselves into a lather over the whole Bill O’Reilly “War on Christmas” crap.
I celebrate Christmas on accounta I’m a Catholic and we believe it’s little baby Jesus’ birthday. But it’s OK if you’re not and you don’t. Our masses are pretty boring, anyway. So whatever you’re celebrating: Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus. Even if it’s just a half-day on Friday and a nice Saturday off – from everyone in the Optimist family to you and yours … Get Some!
As you can see, I’ve decorated today’s column with a few festive holiday photos of some wee ones delighting on Santa Claus’ lap. I remember, as a young pup, Santa could make my brother poop his little pampers in about a second-and-a-half. He didn’t even have to squeeze him that hard.
Look, Santa. Cleveland and the Cavaliers have been really nice this year. Did you see Daniel Gibson treating families to free stuff at Target on Sunday morning? Or the fellas visiting the Cleveland Clinic’s Children’s Hospital? I mean, if anyone’s been naughty this year, it’s you-know-who and his Lithuanian buddy down in Florida. I know St. Nick gets ESPN up in the North Pole.
So, if you’re up there listening, Santa … All I want for Christmas is that you let the Cleveland Cavaliers win tonight here in Atlanta, and then win every other game for the rest of this season.
I realize that no team has ever run off 54-straight regular season wins heading into the Playoffs, but I’m hoping for one of those Christmas miracle-type things. Jane Seymour told me to keep my heart open.
First, let’s look at my mailbag, which is usually filled with thought-provoking basketball dispatches. Not little bedwetting half-pints asking for Dave the Funky Monkey.
I miss you.
Steven, thanks for reading and writing in. And I miss you, too, I think.
In my opinion, it’s Atlanta’s very own J.J. Hickson – the Baby Bull.
In this season’s only previous meeting with the Hawks, J.J. looked like the player behind that nickname – with a 31-point outburst at The Q. Since then, the former first rounder has had an up and down season.
But I see the hometown Hawks stirring up something in the Baby Bull. You saw the video on Cavs.com – he’s been following the Hawks since the Jason Terry Era. Getting up for a team that stirs up those kind of primordial juices will be no problem.
By the time Atlanta knows what hit it, Hickson has the visiting Cavaliers up two touchdowns – dominating in the low-post like he did in early November. Up-and-under moves, jumpers from the elbow, alley-oop throwdowns. The Baby Bull does a bit of everything on the Wednesday before Christmas.
After leading the Cavaliers to the impressive double-digit win at Philips Arena, J.J. and his teammates fly home to frigid Cleveland, where they double-dog dare his arse to lick a flagpole. Team trainer, Max Benton, prepares some Neosporin™ and gauze.
If my calculations are correct, that outcome would give our beloved Cavaliers two wins out of their last three outings. That would get them moving in the right direction and it would buy Santa Claus some time to start making good on my wish. I want 53 more wins, fat man!
How do I know that? Because they’re the Browns – and losing is just what we’ll be expecting them to do.
They’re crafty little Brown devils like that. And I won’t waste Santa’s valuable time on them. All I want for Christmas is my beloved Cavaliers to get back on track. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
Have a safe and happy Holiday Season, y’all! Have a blast and enjoy your loved ones.
Call a cab. Tomorrow Morning You will thank Last Night You. And both of you guys will be able to enjoy a nice white Christmas and that 54-game Cavs win streak Santa’s bringing me.
See you on the other side, sluggers. Until then, please continue to …
Keep the faith, Cleveland