It’s time for the fifth annual, and hopefully final, “Who should Suns fans root for in the playoffs?” column.
Some of you may be sitting there saying, “But Espo, I just can’t bring myself to watch the playoffs.” And to that I respond: we’re sports fans, which means we are all a little bit masochistic, so suck it up.
The rules to determining who we as Suns fans should root for are simple.
Rule No. 1: No Teams Who Have Handed Suns Crushing Playoff Defeats
We all know that, as Suns fans, we’ve suffered more than people who are subjecting themselves to Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 this weekend. That means the first rule thins the playoff herd quite a bit.
You can say “peace out” to the Bulls (1993 NBA Finals), Celtics (1976 NBA Finals), Mavericks (2006 Western Conference Finals), Rockets (1994 and 1995 Western Conference Semi-Finals) and Spurs (let’s just say the entire "7 Seconds or Less era").
Rule No. 2: No Front Running
We’re Arizona sports fans. Being in love with the underdog is in our blood. Heck, so much so that our favorite character in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off was Cameron and our favorite cartoon growing up was Ghostbusters, no not that one, this one. OK, so maybe that was all just me, but you get the point.
This automatically eliminates the Hawks, Cavs and the Warriors. This is a good thing because we don’t want to root for a former Spur in Hawks coach Mike Budenholzer or someone that reminds of Jordan from the early ‘90s in LeBron. Plus, every time we see Steph Curry we’re reminded of this.
Rule No. 3: No L.A.
It’s simple. When one of your fan bases’ favorite things to chant is “Beat L.A.," you can’t exactly root for them. Oh, and throw in New York while you’re at it just because we might as well stay consistent with our big city bias.
Clippers and Nets … THEY GONE.
Rule No. 4: Can’t Forgive the Coin Toss
Sure, most of us only remember the year 1969 from last season of Mad Men and not because we actually lived through it. That doesn’t mean we can let the Bucks off the hook for their past transgressions and throw our support in their corner. They have a championship banner thanks to the 1964 Kennedy half dollar that fell their way and landed Lew Alcindor (aka Kareem) in the frigid temps of Milwaukee instead of the sunshine of Phoenix.
Time to bag the Bucks.
Rule No. 5: No Former Suns
Spitefulness isn’t a flattering characteristic, but that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to resort to it. If you’re a former Sun, I can’t root for you to win a title before the Suns manage to hoist a banner at Talking Stick Resort Arena.
Later, Washington (pains me to do it to you Marcin), Portland (ditto Robin) and Memphis (not as much Vince).
That leaves us with two options, the Pelicans and the Raptors. Both fine options to throw our support behind. But, like the Highlander, there can only be one.
The Pelies are tempting. It’s likely the last season you can legitimately root for Anthony Davis if you’re a Suns fan because he’ll become a superstar-sized thorn in our sides moving forward. They’re the underdog, another trend that won’t likely last into next season, and their home is a city that deserves some playoff success. That said, they are a Western Conference team so... much like our chances of 70-degree weather between now and September, they’ve been eliminated.
Congratulations to the 2014-15 Toronto Raptors. You may be “The North," but you’ve just gained a sizable amount of fans in the southwest due to the fact that you didn’t fall prey to any of the aforementioned rules and because your mascot also will appear in one of the most anticipated films of the Summer, Jurassic World.
So there you have it Suns fans. It’s time to support our adoptive team, the Toronto Raptors, this playoff season. Don’t worry, if it’s anything like last year. We won’t have to watch for too long.