Mark Boyle

Destination Unknown: MJB's Reality TV Pitches

by Mark Boyle
Radio Play-by-Play

Though not really a big television watcher, I have become a closet fan of a genre that, until recently, I had regarded with contempt.

Yes. I like reality shows.

Now, not all reality shows. I haven’t gone that far around the bend. But there are a few – Teen Mom 2 and Master Chef come to mind – that have captured my attention and gotten me to thinking.

If I were The King of Television, what reality shows could I come up with that might appeal to the masses?

How about a show where successful coaches cross over into other sports? We could call it “Master Coach” (sorry, Gordon Ramsay, I know we’re flirting with ripping you off here). Who wouldn’t like to see Bill Belichick managing the Chicago Cubs. Would he be forced to abandon his trademark hoodie and wear a uniform? And why do baseball managers wear uniforms, anyway?

I’ve noticed that rappers want to be ballers, and vice versa. We could call this show “Rap Around”. Jay Z could suit up for the team, Brooklyn, in which he has a minority ownership stake. Drake could run the point for his beloved Raptors. And until you’ve heard Gordon Hayward rap (“they call me JJ Reddick, cuz when i shoot, they ask cash or credit”), you don’t know what rap really is. This show has disaster written all over it.

I do 26 road games without a partner this season. How about “Who Wants to be a Broadcaster”? Random fans are selected to work with me on road games. The show would include preliminary challenges, such as seeing how many shots competitors could slam in half an hour before going on the air. The FCC might not like the outcome, but, hey, nothing pleases everyone.

“The Commish”. Yeah, I know there was actually a television show with this title – starring Michael Chiklis – back in the 90’s, but this is a reality show and it’s totally different. Adam Silver wanders around Manhattan, righting wrongs in a variety of tricky social situations ranging from family squabbles to property disputes. Roger Goodell appears occasionally as Silver’s valet.

And, finally, the entire Minnesota roster is invited to compete on Dancing with the Stars. Ricky Rubio spins a ball on the tip of his nose while kicking it to Katy Perry’s “Unconditionally”, while several of his teammates engage is old school dancing, ranging from disco to waltzes. Alas, none of the Minnesota players is really a star, forcing us to rename the show.

Let’s call it “Dances with Wolves”.

Disclaimer: All opinions expressed by Mark Boyle are solely his own and do not reflect the opinions of the Indiana Pacers, their partners, or sponsors.


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