This month has been extremely eventful. Things started off with a trip to Mazatlan, Mexico from July 6 through July 8. Stuff, the Orlando Magic's dragon mascot, Squatch, the Seattle Sonics bigfoot mascot, and yours truly were booked to perform at a one-on-one exhibition featuring Eduardo Najera vs. Magic Johnson.

You would not believe how hot it was! Unfortunately for us, the game was played not in a basketball arena like most Americans are used to, but outside on a sport court overlayed on the infield of a baseball stadium. In addition to the actual game we also performed at three events the previous day. After entertaining at a dinner for 500 bigwigs hosted by the governor, a press conference with Magic, Eduardo and the coach for the Mexican National basketball team, and a kid's basketball clinic with Magic, not one international incident was reported.

That is no small feat when you get three mascots together who don't understand a word being said to them and don't even attempt to speak themselves. Washington D.C. let out a big sigh of relief when the three of us jumped back onto our flights home without any major trouble caused abroad. Actually maybe some wished they had just kept us.

After my triumphant return from the Sun country, I traveled to Omaha, Nebraska on July 9 to teach a three-day mascot camp to high school, college, and professional mascots. I know what you are thinking, 'Great! He is actually out there teaching others how to be just as big an idiot as he is. What is the world coming to?' Mascots from the NBA and NFL as well as universities around the country joined me to learn the art of shooting silly string, falling on your face, and rubbing bald heads. If you want to learn how to be a real-life cartoon too, I'll be holding camp again next summer both in Omaha and in Houston. You too can be a professional idiot!

My buddy, Sly the Fox, mascot for the New Jersey Nets, came into town to visit for a few days once I returned from mascot camp. No he did not attend camp. I guess he thinks he does not have anything to learn from me. What a nut job that guy is. Sly and I go all the way back to our college days when I was a professional mascot in training at school and he was a cheerleader. I always thought cheerleaders were girls, but he told me otherwise.

My girlfriend Haley

After Sly went home, I took a trip with my girlfriend - Haley from the Houston Comets - to Seattle on July 21. She went to perform at (WNBA Seattle Storm mascot) Doppler's birthday party held at a Storm game. Haley, now there is a WOMAN! We dined at the revolving restaurant at the top of the Space Needle after the game. Boy did people stare! You'd think they had never seen an overweight bear and a female alien eat together.

Before returning to "H-town," we made a stop at the world famous Pike Place Fish Market and threw some fish around. If you have not heard of the fish market, the book or the corporate training videos, you really need to see it. It is a bunch of fish salesmen who have transformed merely selling fish into a full-blown show. Not only was it fun, but I also got to buy the largest lobster tail I have ever seen (1.5 pounds) just for the tail! People on the flight home were less than happy that I brought it with me in my carry-on luggage.

For those of you keeping track from prior "Me Speaks," Poison, Counting Crows, John Mayer, and the Dixie Chicks all ROCKED this month. I had to trade my Dave Matthews tickets for Poison tickets in order to pick up Sly from the airport. Brett Michaels actually stopped the concert at one point and told all the people sitting on the lawn to come down to the front by the stage. Security was none too happy as I'm sure it broke about 101 fire code laws. But he wouldn't start playing until they allowed the fans to do so, so he got his way. It was crazy!

I topped off the month with my second trip to the emergency room this year for a head wound, the first being that mechanical bull riding fiasco in Indianapolis. I walk into an emergency room like Norm walks into Cheers. I like to keep my girlish figure in the offseason by playing ice hockey. A head on collision between my face and another player's helmet sent me via ambulance back to the trauma department. Not to worry, a little TLC from Haley along with facial surgery, lots of cotton balls, a nose guard, and six weeks of healing and I'll be all set to go for the new season in the Toyota Center. By the way, do I get a car out of this deal?

Until next time. Be Part of Something BIG!