A regular column written by the Rockets Bear himself
February 18, 2003
I'm glad you stopped by to see what I have to say this week. For starters, I'm a little disappointed. After checking with my buddy Andy Ware, who runs our web page, I found out there are only about 1,500 of you reading my column from week to week. This is simply not large enough an audience for my Shakespearian-quality correspondence. So in an effort to increase readership of this free drivel, I am asking you to tell one and to tell all that "Clutch Speaks is what keeps me going!" Let's get those numbers up to about 10-15,000 per week. That would be a good start.
In case you did not get to attend last Tuesday night's game against the Mavericks, I thought I'd recount the television show reviews I shared on a sign with the fans. The reviews were part of a Nike commercial parody where the gentleman is streaking at a soccer game. The sign looked like this:
| THE BACHELOR | (NO!) |
| THE BACHELORETTE | (BETTER, BUT STILL NO!) |
| ANY OTHER SHOW ABOUT PEOPLE DATING | (GET A LIFE) |
| AMERICAN IDOL | (I’M YOUR IDOL) |
| THE REAL WORLD | (IT IS AS FAKE AS IT GETS) |
| FEAR FACTOR | (I’M AFRAID TO WATCH IT) |
| CELEBRITY MOLE | (THEY ARE NOT FAMOUS) |
| SURVIVOR | (PLEASE DIE) |
| BIG BROTHER | (PEEPING TOM) |
| JOE MILLIONAIRE | (“JOE DIRT” POOR IDIOT) |
| STAR SEARCH | (SUPER NOVA) |
(Unless it’s a Rockets game)
COME TO A ROCKETS GAME!
Hope you had as much fun reading them as I did writing them. Remember, life is too short to spend your time being entertained by anyone other than me!
After 350 miles traveled, 250 autographs, two cases of silly string, 15 visits, a home game, and 16 straight hours of sweating, Valentine's Day 2003 ended with a quiet dinner between my wife and I. A special thanks goes out to everyone that scheduled me to see their loved one on Valentine's Day. The Clutch-Grams were a huge success and I had a great time. Hope to see a lot of you again next year or at any other events you might have sooner. See you at the game. GO ROCKETS!
P.S. Be Part of Something BIG!
