Here we are again for what some are calling the greatest literature ever written by an NBA mascot located in the city of Houston with a waistline larger than 90 inches and gray fur. I just got back from New York this past weekend and man can I party! While I'm thinking of it, shout out to the Berenstain Bears up there on the west side, Yogi Bear on the south side, Smokey the Bear on the north side, Winnie the Pooh on the east side, and the rest of my bear friends with whom I chilled. Does not proper English sound incorrect a lot of the time, "with whom I chilled?" I wish it were acceptable to end a sentence with the preposition ‘with.’

If I hear one more person ask how our new center could have missed a dunk at his height, I'm going to cover them with silly string. No person is perfect. Don't worry, this guy is going to be a great force for our team right off the bat and even a greater positive influence as he matures as an NBA player. Notice I said no person is perfect. That principle doesn't go for bears as well. There are plenty of perfect bears.

I was thinking of running for mayor next election. Who out there would vote for a self proclaimed extremely humorous mascot for mayor? Anyone, anyone, Bueller, Bueller? CLUTCH FOR MAYOR! That has a nice ring to it. If governor Jesse Ventura can do it, you never know. Free popcorn and honey for anyone who votes for me. Oops, I just ruined my political career by offering a bribe before it even began. Shucks!

I have been hitting the drawing board trying to think of new skits for this season. If any of you humans have any real ideas, go to Virtual Mascot under my web site and let me know what they are. None of my animal friends have e-mail. They are not quite as advanced as me. Don't be like Pete Neubig, who suggested I play "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye and go out onto the court drinking beer proceeding to make out with and dirty dance with Power Dancers. Although Pete loves the Rockets, I don't think he will be writing any of our game entertainment any time soon. This is not Clutch humor.

The closer the season gets to beginning, the more excited I become. I know all of you feel the same way. If you didn't, you would not be interested enough to listen as I drone on. I mean write on. But that is not really what the colloquialism I am using is. And there is that preposition at the end of a sentence again. Can I get an English teacher up in here, up in here? Thanks DMX! I tend to get side tracked as I write. Anyone else get that feeling too? Isn't it weird how there are three spellings of the word 'two'? Don't you think there should only be two? Anyway, can't wait to see you all at our first preseason game against the Spurs on Tuesday, October 15 at 7:30 p.m. Until next time, give someone a bear hug. Oh that was so corny!