Flagrant Fan

By Kelly Lafferman
May 9, 2012




By Kelly Lafferman
April 25, 2012




By Kelly Lafferman
April 3, 2012







By Kelly Lafferman
March 20, 2012






By Kelly Lafferman
March 6, 2012






By Kelly Lafferman
February 14, 2012







Game Interrupted

By Kelly Lafferman
January 31, 2012








Super-Sorry

By Kelly Lafferman
January 17, 2012


During the lockout, I was pretty bitter. I was particularly upset with our very own Clark Kent character who participated in strategically vague interviews while dabbling in haughty fashionista behavior.

I was not particularly fond of his response to a reporter who speculated he was leaving Orlando.

“They've got burgers named after me in Orlando”

Really? That’s encouraging commitment rhetoric from your star player. How about we built an arena for you?

I was ticked and I told anyone who would listen. But, now, I have a crow named “Mea Culpa” for our Super-Center.

Dwight, I’m sorry. You are not a quitter. You are playing hard and leading the team. Look at the stats from any game and it’s clear that you are busting your Man-Of-Steel-Butt. Please stay.

Oh. And one more thing. Since you were sort of shady during the lockout, I feel comfortable sharing my own pathetic lockout misbehavior. I “took my talents to Facebook” and posted this Haiku:

You're leaving? Shocking.

We still like Shaquille better.

Bye Bye, Superman

Well, I got an outpouring of support from my sportsy-artsy, poet-wannabe friends and I thought it’d be fun to share their talents with you. (I’ve concealed their identities to protect the innocent, but I will give up their names in exchange for tickets.)

Roses are red violets are blue.
Losing our center is looking pretty likely.
Hey, maybe we can sign Rony Seikaly!

Don't run this team, like dull country hicks.
Losing a star for a twin and two picks.
Take your time, be clever, hold on to the ball,
Hey, maybe we still have a shot at Chris Paul!

There once was a man from Disney town
Who decided he needed a new crown
But much like King James
An empty wish was his aim
And together they’ll both lose the rebound


Baby Talk

By Kelly Lafferman
December 27, 2011


It was terrific to be back in the Amway Center again.  

My social life has  finally been resuscitated!  

 I could sense that everyone was glad to be back at work. The ushers were smiling from ear to ear gladly escorting fans to their seats.  And apart from the real Paul Porter voice in the house, everything was as  it should be.  

Well, except for the fact that the first half of play against the Miami Heat sucked on Wednesday.  

I need to backtrack for a moment.

I was a Brandon Bass fan. I thought he was a solid, big-­‐man who consistently came to play. Trading him for Big Baby Davis was a “What the...?” moment for me.

Whenever you get new players, you want to be excited about it. You want to understand the upside. What you don’t want is a guy on your floor, wearing your jersey, who makes it hard to authentically cheer for him.

So, there he is. Big Baby in a Magic tank top. He’s no longer body-­‐slamming Shaq (if you don’t know that story, look it up), but he’s still a large dude.

After the first quarter was over, I started wishing he was wearing his NBA Championship ring, because punching LeBron was about the only thing left to do to stop him.

Something happened in the locker room at halftime.

The Magic conjured up the “Mo” and it apparently came from our New Baby from New England.

Momentum is a funny thing. It’s something every team wants (besides a win). It typically starts with one person and spreads to the others. To my delight and surprise, Big Baby brought some “Mo” from “Bo”(ston) to the “O”(rlando).

Ok, that was a stretch, but it’s my blog.

Anyway, when he slid across the floor and thumped his chest at the crowd in the Magical second half comeback, he made a Big-­‐Baby-­‐Mo-­‐Bo-­‐O believer out of me.

Now, if he would just get us one of these gold baby rattles...

baby rattle


By Kelly Lafferman

From Staffing Stuff to Fixated Follower

I cost the Magic $25,000 for playing Rock & Roll Part II at an excessive decibel level.

Rony Seikaly once landed the Magic team plane when I was a passenger. (He is now a DJ.)

rony

Otis Smith and I had adjacent cubicles.

I was Stuff’s boss.

And now, I’m just a passionate Magic addict.

As a former member of the Magic staff, I used to direct the game presentation – dancers, halftime acts, mascot skits, pyrotechnics, t-shirt launches and every dizzying thing in between. Lots of stories there not fit for print. Anyway, I was spoiled because I sat next to Paul Porter at center court hopped up on Diet Pepsi for every game. It’s such an intense spectator experience when you are within spitting distance of such powerful athletes. Yes, spitting.

A few other tidbits:

• Darrell Armstrong really is that nice.

• I used to have a Penny Doll on my desk. Lame.

penny



• My favorite Magic “moment” is the entire Heart & Hustle season (Thank you, Doc and Gabe).

• I miss Ben Wallace’s game time hairstyle decisions.

ben



• The best part about the Amway Center is that it exists.