Dante’s Speak, Installment 31
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After watching "Fantastic Four" this past weekend, I decided I am going to add to the frenzy and make my OWN Super Hero movie using NBA players as the characters. The movie will open next summer, after the Finals, and there will be no rhyme or reason to this flic. It will just entail every Super Hero that I feel is screen worthy, ganging up to fight against Dr. Doom (played by Latrell Sprewell), sworn enemy of my NBA Battallion. Now getting the players to actually sign on to this might be difficult, but if such a film should ever be made, here is your cast, based on the super human strengths provided by www.marveldirectory.com:
THING Shaq
Super human strength, can lift 85 tons.
Just like "Thing", Shaq can exert himself at high levels for about an hour before the build-up of fatigue poisons in his blood impairs his strength. But until then, he's an unstoppable 500 pound monster able to withstand the explosive effects of armor-piercing bazooka shells (Mutombo's elbows) against his skin without injury. However, he is still susceptible to colds, disease and emotional stress (Kobe).
MR FANTASTIC Stacey Augmon
Ability to stretch, deform, expand or compress his entire body into any shape.
Much consideration was given to Allen Iverson for this particular character for his ability to contort his body in many different positions while attacking the rim, however, you simply cannot overlook a man who is KNOWN as "The Plastic Man". Like Mr. Fantastic, Augmon possesses normal human strength for a man his age, height and build. He can alter his form in a matter of seconds, and immediately revert back to his humanoid shape.
THE HUMAN TORCH Ray Allen
Stay aflame for 17 hours without burning skin.
Just like The Human Torch, Ray Allen can get red-hot for extended periods of time, burning only those who stand in his way. The Seattle Supersonics rode the coattails of the Torch all the way to the second round of last year's playoffs. Plus, like Shaq, he's already acted in a blockbuster movie (He Got Game) so there would be a small learning curve.
INVISIBLE WOMAN Chris Webber
Ability to render herself invisible.
I know, I know this is awful to talk about C-Web this way because he IS a tremendous player, however he gets this role for his ability to disappear when his teams have needed him the most, especially playoff time. Just imagine if Webber had these powers in college he could have hidden after he called that awful timeout.
CAPTAIN AMERICA Dwyane Wade
Agility, strength, endurance, and speed superior to any Olympic athlete who ever competed.
The perfect athletic specimen, Dwyane Wade has all the attributes of Captain America and he's everything you could ever want your child to be like. He's a role model, he's a hard worker, he's there when his team needs him the most and he's everything that's right in the NBA. Dwyane Wade will be the poster boy for this league for years to come and I for one am thrilled he's become the star that he has and none of it has gone to his head.
ICEMAN Robert Horry
Ability to freeze.
Does there really even need to be an explanation for this? The man has ice water running through his veins. Big Shot Bob isn't that intimidating for a Super Hero so we're hoping with his San Antonio ties he can get special permission from George Gervin to use this name. Otherwise, I have no problem casting the real "Iceman" to play this part.
HAWKEYE Vince Carter
NONE.
He's an amazing athlete with extensive training as an aerialist and acrobat. No one can deny Vince's mastery of gravity, that is almost superhuman, but the undeniable fact here is that no one really likes Hawkeye and he very seldom gets called to fight crime. He works alone, not really WITH the Nets.......uh....I mean the Thunderbolts.
DAREDEVIL Tim Duncan
Super humanly enhanced senses.
There is no doubt in anyone's mind that Daredevil is the single most boring super hero in the world. Next to Aqua Man, I really don't feel that he should even be a super hero. Granted he IS blind, so that accounts for some of the dip in his entertainment value, but the guy fights with a Billy Club, how dull is that? No cool freeze rays, or golden, flaming arrows...nope, a stupid stick. Yet he always comes out victorious. Nothing flashy, just a winner.
ELECTRO Michael Olowokandi
Generates 1,000 volts of energy a minute.
After the "Kandi Man" got tasored at "Tiki Bob's" this past NBA season, he was a LOCK for this role. The fact that he can now emit lightning rods from his fingertips will save us millions in special affects.
ATLAS Ben Wallace
Increases in size from 6 feet to 60 feet.
The guy has the natural born ability to make you feel like he's everywhere. There were times during the Pistons/Heat series where Ben Wallace looked like he was literally 10 feet tall as high as he got to block shots and rebound. Big Ben is simply not human and this would be an easy role for him to play, heck the hair alone is damn near 10 feet tall.
These 10 super heroes are locks to be in my movie. I must select two more to have an official 12 man team. Here are my final possibilities:
EGO (Kobe Bryant), NIMROD (Darius Miles), ABYSS (Tracy McGrady), PLANTMAN (Carmelo Anthony), and AIR-WALKER (Josh Smith)
I welcome any and all ideas you might have for additions or subtractions to my team.
Dante welcomes your comments, questions and alternative opinions. E-mail him here.
Dante’s Speak is solely the opinion of Dante Marchitelli and does not reflect the views of the Orlando Magic or the NBA. Marchitelli has served as radio producer in the Orlando Magic's Broadcast department for seven seasons.
After watching "Fantastic Four" this past weekend, I decided I am going to add to the frenzy and make my OWN Super Hero movie using NBA players as the characters. The movie will open next summer, after the Finals, and there will be no rhyme or reason to this flic. It will just entail every Super Hero that I feel is screen worthy, ganging up to fight against Dr. Doom (played by Latrell Sprewell), sworn enemy of my NBA Battallion. Now getting the players to actually sign on to this might be difficult, but if such a film should ever be made, here is your cast, based on the super human strengths provided by www.marveldirectory.com:THING Shaq
Super human strength, can lift 85 tons.
Just like "Thing", Shaq can exert himself at high levels for about an hour before the build-up of fatigue poisons in his blood impairs his strength. But until then, he's an unstoppable 500 pound monster able to withstand the explosive effects of armor-piercing bazooka shells (Mutombo's elbows) against his skin without injury. However, he is still susceptible to colds, disease and emotional stress (Kobe).
MR FANTASTIC Stacey Augmon
Ability to stretch, deform, expand or compress his entire body into any shape.
Much consideration was given to Allen Iverson for this particular character for his ability to contort his body in many different positions while attacking the rim, however, you simply cannot overlook a man who is KNOWN as "The Plastic Man". Like Mr. Fantastic, Augmon possesses normal human strength for a man his age, height and build. He can alter his form in a matter of seconds, and immediately revert back to his humanoid shape.
THE HUMAN TORCH Ray Allen
Stay aflame for 17 hours without burning skin.
Just like The Human Torch, Ray Allen can get red-hot for extended periods of time, burning only those who stand in his way. The Seattle Supersonics rode the coattails of the Torch all the way to the second round of last year's playoffs. Plus, like Shaq, he's already acted in a blockbuster movie (He Got Game) so there would be a small learning curve.
INVISIBLE WOMAN Chris Webber
Ability to render herself invisible.
I know, I know this is awful to talk about C-Web this way because he IS a tremendous player, however he gets this role for his ability to disappear when his teams have needed him the most, especially playoff time. Just imagine if Webber had these powers in college he could have hidden after he called that awful timeout.
CAPTAIN AMERICA Dwyane Wade
Agility, strength, endurance, and speed superior to any Olympic athlete who ever competed.
The perfect athletic specimen, Dwyane Wade has all the attributes of Captain America and he's everything you could ever want your child to be like. He's a role model, he's a hard worker, he's there when his team needs him the most and he's everything that's right in the NBA. Dwyane Wade will be the poster boy for this league for years to come and I for one am thrilled he's become the star that he has and none of it has gone to his head.
ICEMAN Robert Horry
Ability to freeze.
Does there really even need to be an explanation for this? The man has ice water running through his veins. Big Shot Bob isn't that intimidating for a Super Hero so we're hoping with his San Antonio ties he can get special permission from George Gervin to use this name. Otherwise, I have no problem casting the real "Iceman" to play this part.
HAWKEYE Vince Carter
NONE.
He's an amazing athlete with extensive training as an aerialist and acrobat. No one can deny Vince's mastery of gravity, that is almost superhuman, but the undeniable fact here is that no one really likes Hawkeye and he very seldom gets called to fight crime. He works alone, not really WITH the Nets.......uh....I mean the Thunderbolts.
DAREDEVIL Tim Duncan
Super humanly enhanced senses.
There is no doubt in anyone's mind that Daredevil is the single most boring super hero in the world. Next to Aqua Man, I really don't feel that he should even be a super hero. Granted he IS blind, so that accounts for some of the dip in his entertainment value, but the guy fights with a Billy Club, how dull is that? No cool freeze rays, or golden, flaming arrows...nope, a stupid stick. Yet he always comes out victorious. Nothing flashy, just a winner.
ELECTRO Michael Olowokandi
Generates 1,000 volts of energy a minute.
After the "Kandi Man" got tasored at "Tiki Bob's" this past NBA season, he was a LOCK for this role. The fact that he can now emit lightning rods from his fingertips will save us millions in special affects.
ATLAS Ben Wallace
Increases in size from 6 feet to 60 feet.
The guy has the natural born ability to make you feel like he's everywhere. There were times during the Pistons/Heat series where Ben Wallace looked like he was literally 10 feet tall as high as he got to block shots and rebound. Big Ben is simply not human and this would be an easy role for him to play, heck the hair alone is damn near 10 feet tall.
These 10 super heroes are locks to be in my movie. I must select two more to have an official 12 man team. Here are my final possibilities:
EGO (Kobe Bryant), NIMROD (Darius Miles), ABYSS (Tracy McGrady), PLANTMAN (Carmelo Anthony), and AIR-WALKER (Josh Smith)
I welcome any and all ideas you might have for additions or subtractions to my team.
Dante welcomes your comments, questions and alternative opinions. E-mail him here.
Dante’s Speak is solely the opinion of Dante Marchitelli and does not reflect the views of the Orlando Magic or the NBA. Marchitelli has served as radio producer in the Orlando Magic's Broadcast department for seven seasons.
