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There are two things I've come to realize this past weekend: 1) Never sit next to a grown man dressed as a wookie during a Star Wars movie (well, anywhere for that matter) and 2) It's going to be VERY difficult for the Magic to follow up the draft they had last year (when's the last time we could say that?). The top overall selection of Dwight Howard, the trade for Jameer Nelson and second round selection of Anderson Varejao will be impossible to duplicate. That being said it’s time for the NBA Draft. It's the time of year when we scramble for that grainy footage of Arturas Mdkhaigjigohwioaweivic of Georgia (the Republic, not the State). We are told that scouts love this High Schooler who averaged 36 dunks a game against skinny, scared kids from Sioux Falls. Someone will lie right through their teeth saying they hoped one day they would be a Warrior. Now that we know the official order, I give you this year's lottery as I see it unfolding....

1) Milwaukee Bucks-Well GM Larry Harris has the ol’ proverbial horseshoe you know where. Or was that Pat Williams disguised as Larry Harris? Either way the Milwaukee Bucks have stolen the Number 1 pick and with it they will choose a new city to play in. I really believe David Stern will come to the podium and we'll hear this: "With the 1st pick in the 2005 NBA Draft, the Milwaukee Bucks select LAS VEGAS, Atlanta is on the clock." This serves two purposes 1) no team should ever have to travel to Wisconsin, let alone LIVE there. I mean if it wasn't for Michael Redd would anyone even know the Bucks existed? Leave Wisconsin to the Badgers and Packers. 2) they could trade this pick to Toronto who I believe would jump at the chance to play in Sin City. However, this may not come to fruition so expect Milwaukee to make Utah’s Andrew Bogut the top overall choice. Conventional wisdom says Marvin Williams is the better pick, he’ll fit much better in Milwaukee than Bogut, but conventional wisdom is also why I refuse to believe the Bucks will pick correctly.

2) Atlanta Hawks-With the second pick in the 2005 NBA Draft the Hawks will select firewood. This is to be piled high in Phillip's Arena, and all four Hawks season ticket holders will throw a match. The building, the green and yellow throwbacks, the memories, they all must be burned. Really this is the only solution to a team that won 13 games last year. I watched the Magic win 21 games two years ago, and I remember one of my numerous strolls towards oncoming traffic, begging to be hit, that I didn't think any team could do worse than that. Well, once again my friends from the A-T-L have done me proud. However, should they decide NOT to have a giant bonfire, I believe they will luck out here and take Marvin Williams. Had the Hawks selected first, they would have taken Bogut and his career would have ended before it even started. Scouts love Williams, I personally don’t see it as the guy averaged 11 points his Freshman year at UNC and disappeared during the biggest game of his life, save for a left-handed tip-in late. However, it will be fun to watch Marvin and J-Smoove glide through the air this year, dunking, slamming their chests bringing their team within 26.

3) Portland Trailblazers-This is difficult to assess as I don't see any future felons in this draft. While the Blazers would love to get their hands on a young Isaiah Ryder type (who begged fans to cut him slack because he came to work 90% of the time) I'm afraid they'll have to settle for High Schooler Gerald Green from Gulf Shores Academy in Texas. He’s young, impressionable and can be taught to get pinched with Marijuana, drag a police woman on his car, or even set up an illegal dog fighting ring. The Blazers are thanking their lucky stars that they jumped up two spots in the draft. Green is young, athletic, can shoot and will go a long way towards repairing that Blazer image. It's just too bad Adrian McPherson went into football because it would have been nice to add theft to the Blazers rap sheet.

4) New Orleans Hornets-I've never been, but from what I hear there are quite a few things to do in New Orleans. Could be rumors though, I don't know. But the bottom line is, when The Ancient Druids Parade on St. Charles Avenue outdraws your basketball team, you have problems. No one is watching the Hornets in The Big Easy and I put 100% of the blame on Byron Scott. I know he had injuries but that team fell apart WAY too easily and WAY too early. The New Orleans Hornets should draft Coach K from Duke. The problem is Coach K would never leave that program (and he shouldn't) and he's not declaring for the draft from what I understand. Therefore that leaves the Hornets to select Chris Paul out of Wake Forest with the fourth overall pick. Dan Dickau isn’t the long-term answer, Speedy Claxton won’t stay healthy, it’s in his contract not to. Enjoy the beignets Chris (you will not believe how long it took me to find out how to spell beignet).

5) Charlotte Bobcats-Also in desperate need of a new head man as Rodney Dangerfield from Ladybugs was a better Coach than Bernie Bickerstaff, but I digress. What a dismal turn of events for the Bobcats, who should have picked third at WORST and would have had a chance at Gerald Green or Chris Paul. Brevin Knight had a great year, but he’s a backup in this league. Illinois’ Deron Willliams will be a great pick for this team and will finally give them a big point guard that can score. If there’s one thing we know Brevin Knight and the Bobcats didn’t do a whole lot of last year, it’s score. By the way Bobcat fans, the last time Bernie Bickerstaff picked 5th in the Draft was in 1987 when his Sonics selected Scottie Pippen, tremendous pick, however, later that day they traded him to Chicago for Olden Polynice. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

6) Utah Jazz-Folks I hate to say it but this is going to be a sad draft day for Jerry Sloan. Having dealt with Ostertag for so many years, and having missed the playoffs the previous two seasons, Jerry Sloan will wake up on Draft Day, realize Mehmet Okur was paid $7.5 million last season and couldn't beat out Curtis Borchardt or Jarron Collins for the starting job. Sloan will snap like Steve Buscemi in Armageddon, begging Jazz Owner Larry Miller to select John Stockton, Karl Malone or Austin Carr with the 4th pick. He'll be sent to the same "Green Room" as Darius Miles and Glenn Robinson where he has to sit quietly while the grown-ups talk. This is where I go off the board as later that day Jazz Senior VP Kevin O'Conner will announce the selection of Martynas Andriuskevicius from Lithuania.

7) Toronto Raptors-This is where things get interesting. The Raptors, after a season of utter disarray, pick up right where they left off and fail to get their pick to the Commissioner in time. We start hearing the TNT Broadcasters uttering things like, "I refuse to believe that the pick of Martynas Andriuskevicius threw a wrench into the Raptors plans". Then Dick Vitale comes on tv and screams for all of us to hear, without the help of any microphone, that Toronto should have picked, "DEE BROWN FROM ILLINOIS, THE GREATEST GUARD EVER IN THE WORLD, BABY!" Hearing this, GM Rob Babcock comes whipping around the corner and tries to convince David Stern to let them take Brown, but to no avail as time has expired.

8) New York-The entire time the New York Knicks are on the clock (and about 3 or 4 minutes after) the resounding cry of "Fi-re Tho-mas" echoes the auditorium. The crowd settles as the pick is near, just before the announcement Anthony from the Bronx yells, "(expletive) (expletive) (expletive) CHRIS (expletive) TAFT!!" The mood is now one of horror and extreme bewilderment. Stern realizing that the Knicks pick ISN"T Chris Taft, sends Russ Granik to the podium in his place. "The Knicks have selected Johan Petro from France" and then sprints off the stage before the 19 year old can even stand up. Isaiah, deciding former Frenchman Frederic Weis didn't have the proper tutelage, welcomes the chance to mold Petro. This selection leads to Isaiah's demise.

9) Golden State-After finally convincing former Stanford Head Coach and current Warrior Head Coach Mike Montgomery that former Stanford Center Curtis Borchardt is currently on an NBA roster and cannot be drafted, Warriors GM Rod Higgins selects Chris Taft out of Pittsburgh. Isaiah Thomas, who is currently interviewing with TNT hears the selection and asks, "Taft was still available? That's who I WANTED!!" In complete disbelief Ernie Johnson asks to be removed from the Broadcast.

10) Los Angeles Lakers-It's at this moment that Anthony from the Bronx rips off his shirt revealing 1) he's never exercised OR shaved and 2) the words "Eagle County Colorado" are painted on his chest. Unfazed by these events, GM Kobe Bryant alerts the Commish that point guard Raymond Felton from UNC is their choice. Am I the only one that took solace in the fact that the Lakers were tied with Golden State for the worst record among all California teams? Kobe, if you think Phil Jackson is coming back to coach that team without Shaquille O'Neal, then you're dumber than Shaq says you are.

11) Orlando Magic-The pick we've all been waiting for. This selection all depends on what new Head Coach Brian Hill decides to do with Steve Francis. Hill was robbed of the chance to work with Francis when he was Head Coach of the Vancouver Grizzlies, you might remember Steve-O saying there was no way he would play for the Grizzlies. I am hoping Hill decides to keep Jameer at the point, move Francis to the two and draft Sean May here at this pick. Call me crazy but we missed the boat last go around when we needed a power forward but didn't take Carlos Boozer because he was undersized, opting instead to take 6'8 (with heels) Ryan Humphrey. That didn't quite pan out for us and we all have seen what Boozer is capable of. May went to a quality program, won a title, he was Most Outstanding Player in the 2005 NCAA Championship Game, he's smart and he's got heart. This Magic team struggled mightily when Dwight Howard came off the floor, May would be a great complement to him AND can start some games if we move Howard to the Center spot and look to run on teams. I'm not a GM, even though that position is available here, but I can't see anything wrong with this pick.

Who cares about any of the remaining three picks?

12) Los Angeles Clippers-they are stripped of this pick for having embarrassed the NBA with how many careers they've ruined and Owner Donald Sterling is forced to do 500 hours of community service.

13) Charlotte (from Cleveland)-The Bobcats select Danny Granger here out of New Mexico He cries that he's been drafted, his family is hysterical and during the interview he's asked to explain those tears of joy. It's then that he explains he's crying because he has to play for Charlotte. He'll later be traded.

14) Minnesota-The T'Wolves end the lottery with the selection of Channing Frye out of Arizona. Frye isn't good, but he's tall and plays the position.

Remember, there are no variations of this. You have just read EXACTLY what will happen in this year's lottery. Glad I could help.

Dante’s Speak is solely the opinion of Dante Marchitelli and does not reflect the views of the Orlando Magic or the NBA. Marchitelli has served as radio producer in the Orlando Magic's Broadcast department for seven seasons.