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Dante’s Speak, Installment 25

INSTALLMENT: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24

Few things in life make me happier than watching someone walk right into a glass door, but seeing the Lakers officially eliminated from the playoffs AND trailing the Clippers in the standings is right up there. Maybe making Kobe Bryant GM wasn't the answer after all. Let's look at Kobe's timeline since talking over as General Manager of the Los Angeles Lakers.

June 18 - Arguably the greatest coach in the history of the NBA, Phil Jackson is allowed/forced to just walk away from the game. Sure he was writing a book, and probably couldn't have stayed there anyway, BUT it was Kobe's "Better Than Thou" attitude that GAVE Phil all the material for his book. Good move Kobe, I'd rather have Frank Hamblen as my Coach.

July 10 - Rudy Tomjanovich named Head Coach of the Lakers. By this time Shaquille O'Neal had already said he can no longer play with Kobe and demanded a trade. I wouldn't have even accepted the Lakers job without Shaq, so they're lucky to have gotten ANYONE let alone Rudy T, who would eventually leave, too.

July 14 - Kobe pulls off a blockbuster, trading Shaquille O'Neal, the most dominant big man who ever lived, to Miami for Lamar Odom, Caron Butler, Brian Grant and a Heat first round draft pick. Odom has never been the same player, Caron has been decent, no one knows if Brian Grant ever actually made it out to L.A., while Shaq's Heat clinched a playoff berth in January. Let's see, Kobe's team isn't even in the playoffs, and the Heat are competing for the best record in the league, yeah, I'd say L.A. got rid of the right guy. It's like NBC saying they'll do "Seinfeld" without Jerry. Instead, we'll take three guys from "ER". Actually "ER" is too good of a show, let's say more like Jim J. Bullock, Richard Simmons and Alf from "Hollywood Squares".

August 6 - Then the unthinkable, actually trading FOR Chris Mihm. The Lakers acquired Mihm, Chucky Atkins and Marcus Banks from the Celtics for Gary Payton and Rick Fox. OH! They later returned Banks to the C's. Then Mitch Kupchak, incorrectly assuming HE was GM, issued the following statement: "Chris Mihm is a very good, versatile big player who immediately improves our front line." When the statement should have read: "This is indeed a dark day for the Laker Organization. It is with deep sadness I am about to announce that during the 2004-05 season, we'll be replacing Shaquille O'Neal with Chris Mihm."

October, 4 - Kobe has decided to hire Frank Hamblen as Head Coach of the L.A. Lakers. There are no words to describe going from Phil Jackson to Frank Hamblen in one year's time. For Laker fans it must be like that feeling you get when the Tilt-A-Whirl at your local carnival takes one extra unexpected spin and a little throw-up comes up in your mouth.

April 5 - The Lakers are routed by Phoenix 125-99, and officially eliminated from the playoffs for the first time in 11 years. Based on the fact that his team went from the NBA Finals to making tee times with the L.A. Kings, I'm probably gonna go ahead and give Kobe an "F".

Moving on, Moe Howard has decided to fire his cousin Shemp as GM of the Cleveland Cavaliers. With his team in a giant tailspin, new Cavs Owner Dan Gilbert is cleaning house DURING a playoff race. While my disapproval of Silas' firing is well documented, I actually happen to agree with the firing of Jim Paxson. Here's a guy that SHOULD have lost his job when he let Carlos Boozer trick him into becoming a free agent. Just to let you know, I'm applying for the next Dream Job on ESPN to become GM of the Cleveland Cavaliers. They have their work cut out for them if they want to re-sign LeBron James in the summer of 2007.

Time is running out on the Orlando Magic playoff hopes, who are now a longshot to make the postseason, but if they don't then I will become the biggest Philadelphia 76er fan South of the Mason Dixon Line, and for one reason, to keep Vince Carter and the New Jersey Nets out of the playoffs. His behavior this season was unacceptable and can NOT be rewarded with a playoff berth. He sulked in Toronto, gave away plays, pretended he was hurt and demanded a trade, all while making a cool $12.5 million this season. When Jason Kidd pushed Vince around in a stroller at Islands of Adventure a few weeks ago, I wonder if Carter cried when Spiderman couldn't shoot an actual web from his wrist. A question for another day, I guess.

Dante welcomes your comments, questions and alternative opinions. E-mail him here.

Dante’s Speak is solely the opinion of Dante Marchitelli and does not reflect the views of the Orlando Magic or the NBA. Marchitelli has served as radio producer in the Orlando Magic's Broadcast department for six seasons.