This is the last column I'll be posting for the next month, as I need some time off to promote my upcoming rap album. After that though, I promise to deliver for the remainder of the year, but JUST this year because I'll be retiring when the season is over. Also, I'll have the number 91 sewn into all my dress shirts as a tribute to Dennis Rodman.

Are you kidding me?

Please re-read the last paragraph and tell me if that makes any kind of sense whatsoever. THEN ask yourself how crazy is Ron Artest for even thinking those things, let alone actually verbalizing them! The Pacers are already without Reggie Miller, Anthony Johnson, and Jeff Foster. Jermaine O'Neal isn't 100% yet, and it was THREE GAMES INTO THE SEASON, and he wants a month off? The greatest part of this whole story is trying to imagine how Rick Carlisle broke the news to Pacer President of Basketball Operations Larry Bird.

Carlisle: "Hey there Greatest Player of All-Time, you got a second?"

Bird: "Sure, what's goin' on there Rickster?"

Carlisle: "Um........well..........so first off, how ya doin?"

Bird: "Never been better, actually. The Red Sox just won the World Series, I'm a huge fan (remember, we're pretending so I can say whatever I want here), AND our Pacer club is off to a great start, I'm fired up for this season. So what can I do for ya?"

Carlisle: "Um............remember when we won the Championship in '86 with the Celtics? That was AWESOME!"

Bird: "Spit it out Rick!"

Carlisle: "Okay, fine....Ron Artest wants time off to (AHEM!! cough, cough) promote his newrapCD..... SO, do you still talk to The Chief?"

Bird: "I'm sorry can you please repeat that?"

Carlisle: "Ron Artest wants a month off to promote his upcoming RAP CD!.........Larry, Larry who are you calling?"

Bird: "Our Media Relations Department...............Yes, David this is Larry....I need a press release, we've just traded Ron Artest to Finland."

Obviously it didn't go down like that, but I'm sure that's exactly how Larry felt. Ron Artest is an incredible talent, he's an All-Star and one of the best defenders in this league, no one questions that. What CAN be questioned though, is which distant, uninhabited planet he calls home. I say for the sake of science, we let this guy go home for a month and we follow him (provided we have the proper means of inter-gallactic space travel). That's one MTV Cribs I would not miss.......and I GUARANTEE Dennis Rodman occupies the Guest House on Planet Ron.

MOVING ON! There are no longer any undefeated teams in the NBA as we enter this third week of the season. There ARE however, two winless teams remaining. The 0-4 Chicago Bulls and the 0-6 New Orleans Hornets. Certainly no one expected sub-par play from the Chicago Bulls, it's been their staple since MJ left, but the Hornets? That's atrocious for that team to be winless after six games. They've opened the season with losses to Dallas, Orlando, Minnesota, L.A. Lakers, Atlanta and Milwaukee. They haven't been blowout losses, but "L"s nonetheless and ANY team that loses to the Atlanta Hawks should be fined. That's how I look at these games, the teams that lose to Atlanta should have a hefty fine levied against them because there's obviously foul play involved. I truly thought Rick Adelman of the Sacramento Kings would be the first coach to lose his job this season, but I might have to rethink that and give the nod to Byron Scott. If he doesn't get that situation turned around soon, he'll be sitting right next to Stephen A. Smith on ESPN's NBA pregame show. So if THAT can't motivate him to win some games, then all hope is lost.

So Carmelo Anthony has guaranteed that his 2-5 Denver Nuggets will make the playoffs. How about promising instead that you won't shoot a dismal 37% from the floor? It's only a matter of time until he says how his busy summer playing for Team USA has tired him out and that's why the Nuggets are so bad. Well we certainly don't hear LeBron James making any excuses. The Cavaliers started off 0-3 and instead of making an empty promise that no one has to back up any more, he went out there and DID something about it. 'Bron has averaged 29 points and ten boards his last three games, all resulting in Cavs wins. You'd be crazy to compare LeBron to Carmelo (even the lone occupants of Planet Ron understand this), I just think 'Melo would be well-served to keep his mouth shut and actually lead with his PLAY instead of uttering a meaningless guarantee. Here's a guarantee for ya..........I GUARANTEE Carmelo double-checks every single one of his bags before getting on the team plane!

Lastly, I am sending in my petition to the league that the Orlando Magic play ALL their remaining games at home. After losses in Philly, Washington and Charlotte, I believe Commissioner David Stern will agree with me. Actually, they have lost on the road but Orlando is without Cuttino Mobley and Kelvin Cato two HUGE factors in what the Magic try to do both offensively and especially defensively. Mobley's scoring and Cato's inside presence have been sorely missed. That being said, some extremely impressive wins for the Magic this past week beating Dallas and the Lakers. Watching Grant Hill knock down back to back three's in the final minutes of their win against L.A. is EASILY the highlight of this young season, or was it when he blocked Kobe? Or maybe it was when Grant stripped the ball from Kobe and won the foot race to the other end before being fouled. Either way, it doesn't matter, it's just fun to beat the Lakers. So join me in my quest to have the remaining 75 games at the TD Waterhouse Centre, it's either that or we ALL have to travel......up to you.

Dante welcomes your comments, questions and alternative opinions. E-mail him here.

Dante’s Speak is solely the opinion of Dante Marchitelli and does not reflect the views of the Orlando Magic or the NBA. Marchitelli has served as radio producer in the Orlando Magic's Broadcast department for six seasons.