July 29, 2004

You know it's a slow week of basketball news, when last week, NBA.com's front page had a story on Curtis Borchardt's breakout performance for the Utah Jazz summer league team, which isn't even believable. Nonetheless, I am here to say, it was a GREAT week in the NBA, and I'll explain shortly. But first, I must respond to Pat Garrity's "Summer Blog" and his attacks on my logo. Pat, in the immortal words of Derek Zoolander, "Why you actin' so messed up towards me?" Apparently the thin mountain air of Colorado and FOMO (fear of missing out) has caused PG to want a logo of his own. Well, you got your wish, however, it was not the logo I would have chosen. Maybe a picture of the field goal Notre Dame needed last year as time expired, to beat Mighty Navy, would have been a nice logo. Perhaps a picture of Pat in rubber hip waders, picking out that perfect fly fishing lure. Or my favorite, an article named "Pat Delivers", this could spawn a brand NEW set of Papa John's commercials......"we look forward to that, Greg."

As far as the NBA is concerned, what a special week. Greg Ostertag, is no longer a member of the Utah Jazz. 'Tag signs a multi-year deal with the Sacramento Kings. When I heard some team was going to give this colossal, under-achieving, stiff another chance, I got this piercing sensation that brought me down to my knees, you know, the kind of pain you get when a clueless, grocery store customer slams their cart into your heel at light speed. THAT kind of pain. I KNOW he's tall, but so are giraffes, and I argue the latter, would be more productive.

Next, the Orlando Magic have made a trade of their own, sending Drew Gooden, Steven Hunter, and second round pick, Anderson Varejao to the Cleveland Cavaliers for Tony Battie and two future second rounders (2005, 2007). Hmmm, now I know as a fan this might be a little strange, as Drew Gooden has better numbers at twelve points, and six rebounds per game, and Battie only brings in five points, and five rebounds. Drew struggled last season when he had to share time with Juwan Howard, and guess what, he'd be sharing time again with a Howard this year, and who KNOWS how many spinning, one-handed, fall away hook shots we would have seen from Drew. Battie is a veteran, he's fundamental, and he's defensive minded. In my mind, this was a great deal for the Magic, and I KNOW that will make some of you mad. I will say this though, Drew Gooden did lead the league in PAF (Points after a foul). That's right, when the ball was whistled dead, NO ONE in the league had more dunks, and I will miss that.

I HAVE to get to Charlotte to see a halftime act this season. International entertainer Nelly (not Don Nelson, the other Nelly) has become part owner of the Charlotte Bobcats, a team already owned by Robert Johnson, who founded BET. All twelve players will be wearing Air Force One's, band-aids, and will appear in Nelly's next video. Also, Snoop, Master P, Rick James, and Lil' Bow Wow have been added to the Bobcats roster, and why not, did you see Like Mike? Bow Wow was incredible in that movie.

Who's older? Vlade Divac or Dikembe Mutombo? And will we ever know the real answer? Also, I hope they allow smoking in the locker rooms of the Staples Center, now that Vlade's there.

Finally, as I close, I am reminded of an e-mail I recieved this past week, stating how negative I am in my article, and I don't feel this is true at all. So to argue my point, I'm going to list things in the NBA that I am extremely thankful for. I rejoice every morning I wake up, that I don't have hair like Rick Fox, Brian Cardinal or Jerry Buss. That unlike Rasheed Wallace, I know how to shave. That I'm not a fan of the Atlanta Hawks (I woke up screaming about that one the other day). I'm eternally grateful to my parents for not naming me Popeye, Moochie, Maybiner (Nene's real name), Darko, or Mamadou. And lastly, I'm grateful to NBA fans, who put things in perspective for me, such as this one friend of mine, we'll call him "Jimmy". He says to me, "Adonal Foyle averages 3 points, and 3 rebounds per game, and got $7 million per year.....I can do that!!!!" How many times have we heard someone say, "I can do that?" Well, "Jimmy" averages less than that in my RDV intramural league, so NO, he CAN'T do that, and neither can we. Although.......for $7 million per year, I bet I'd come close........

Dante welcomes your comments, questions and alternative opinions. E-mail him here.

Dante’s Speak is solely the opinion of Dante Marchitelli and does not reflect the views of the Orlando Magic or the NBA. Marchitelli has served as radio producer in the Orlando Magic's Broadcast department for six seasons. He also enjoy movies, long strolls on the beach and is a Taurus.