March 8, 2007

Good evening, Hornets fans! This is Hornet Henry, fan blogger for Hornets.com. I was reading Hornets.com the other day and noticed that several Hornets players have been asked this question: What change would you make to the NBA if you were named commissioner of the league? Tyson Chandler and David West both said they’d shorten the regular season. Linton Johnson said he’d get rid of the fines that result from getting whistled for a technical foul.

Well, I started thinking about it, and I realized that if David Stern made the wise decision to step aside and anoint Hornet Henry as new commish, there’d be plenty of changes. Here are a few:

• If I were commissioner of the NBA, I’d immediately institute a rule that any player who has the ball in his hands at the end of a quarter but does not attempt a shot – because he doesn’t want to hurt his field-goal percentage – will be suspended indefinitely. As my old friend Herm Edwards once said, “You play to WIN the game!” If you’re that selfish and that concerned about your personal stats, you shouldn’t be playing a team sport. Go play golf or tennis!
• If I were in charge, the standard-issue shorts would go back to being cut three inches above the knee, like my man John Stockton properly wore them back in the day. Sure, my eyes might be going bad in my old age, but I tuned in to some hoops the other night and it took me until halftime to realize that it wasn’t a women’s game, because I thought the players were wearing dresses. Lose the skirts, fellas.
• If I were commish, any player who shoots below 60 percent from the free-throw line over the course of an entire regular season will be forced to watch former ABA great Billy Keller’s instructional video titled “The Lost Art of Shooting.” After viewing Keller’s classic tape, each charity-stripe transgressor will then attend an underhand foul-shooting clinic, taught by the master of the technique himself, Hall of Famer Rick Barry.
• If I were the big cheese, I would heavily fine any NBA player who does not pass the ball to a teammate positioned ahead of him on an uncontested fast break. If you pulled a stunt like that back in my day, you could expect a thorough beatdown after the game. By players on YOUR team.
• If I were David Stern’s successor, I would force any player who goes an entire season without drawing an offensive foul to provide a formal apology to the rest of his team – and all men throughout this great nation – for being such an incredible wuss. I’ve seen Shane Battier, who weighs about a buck-80, stand in the way to take a charge from Shaquille O’Neal, for crying out loud! There’s no excuse for being soft out there, gentlemen!

I could probably go on for hours on this subject, but due to time constraints, I will stop now. For more insights on the NBA from yours truly, visit Hornets.com. And make sure you keep tuning in to this fine radio program each week.

Until next time, this is Hornet Henry. Go Hornets!