|Actor/comedians Donald Faison (Scrubs, NBC) and Joel McHale (The Soup, E!) are known for their humor, but the jokesters share another passion: hoops. Faison and McHale recently called up NBA.com for a barbershop style conversation regarding The Finals, The Draft, the NBA Entertainment League, Zach Braff's money and much, much more.
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Joel McHale: Hey Donald!
Donald Faison: How's everything with you?
JM: I have not seen you since Dallas, my friend.
DF: Yeah, nobody's seen me since Dallas.
JM: Yeah, nobody's seen Dallas since Dallas.
DF: I know. Things went down in Dallas that we can't even talk about.
JM: Yeah, I think Cuban would not have played in that game if he knew what was coming.
DF: I think Cuban needs to get in better shape.
Faison poses with Cuban at a Dallas charity event.
DF: You got to let him have it.
JM: Hey man, congrats on your pickup.
DF: Congrats on your pickup, man.
DF: You're officially on two shows!
JM: That's right, and three if I go on To Catch a Predator somehow. Which I will at some point.
DF: I'm trying to spend a year doing that Deadliest Catch show, man.
JM: Oh, are you going to do that?
DF: Have you ever watched it?
JM: It's the greatest show on television.
DF: I think it's the best show ever. I don't think I got it in me, but I would love to try.
JM: You would be working 18 hour days, it would be awful.
DF: No, just for a day. Not the whole trip. I'm not trying to do a year like these guys.
JM: You know what? Maybe to liven it up like two seasons from now, if it's kind of not doing well, they'll be like, "We need to spice this up with celebrities. We're going to put a celebrity on each boat. The first celebrity that dies, loses." Oh, that'd be greatttt.
I love it. Do you watch Planet Earth?
DF: I don't watch Planet Earth.
JM: Oh, you got to watch that.
DF: Is that the one where the guy survives in the wilderness by himself?
JM: No, it's a nature documentary. I think you're thinking of The Bachelor, where you survive by not getting a venereal disease.
JM: Are we supposed to be talking about basketball?
DF: Look, I just want to play in one game. That's all. One real game in the NBA. I'll do it.
JM: What team could take you right now?
DF: No, just in like the preseason. Just in like one game. Just give me five minutes.
JM: "Now starting for the Grizzlies …" Ah yeah, we can put you on the old Vancouver team.
DF: They got jerked in the lottery, them and the Celtics man (laughing).
JM: Yeah, but how about my Seattle Supersonics? They could be moving to Las Vegas very soon.
DF: Well, but, Durant is coming to Seattle to play. At least it looks like that.
JM: Yeah, he's going to come. He will rent an apartment and then they will fly him to Las Vegas.
DF: I think Portland would have to be crazy to give up an Oden.
JM: Oh no, Oden, he is more of a man than I am and he's like 16.
Faison and McHale are jealous of Oden's talent.
Ronald Martinez/Getty Images/NBAE
DF: Hell, I can't grow a beard like that now.
JM: See? He's amazing. He's great and he looks like at any moment he can just get bigger. He's going to be in Transformers.
DF: He seems like a nice guy when he talks though.
JM: Have you ever met him?
DF: I've never met him. Just from watching the interviews.
JM: Yeah. He's going to make so much money. Have they announced his deal?
DF: It's probably going to be a standard rookie deal.
JM: Yeah, he's gooood. Did you watch the game last night?
DF: Last night, or the night before last?
JM: The night before last, sorry. I was watching another game. It was a roller derby…No, I don't think you probably caught that…
DF: I did watch the game the other night. It was awesome. I'm impressed with LeBron James man. And what's the rookie on that team? What's his name?
DF: Yeah, Daniel Gibson.
JM: Yeah man, that guy was amazing.
DF: He has to do this in The Finals though. You know what I mean? You know how those cats just get lucky one time and then they go to The Finals and you never hear from them?
DF: I really hope he doesn't pull one of those, because LeBron needs a lot of help (laughing)
JM: LeBron's 22 and Gibson is 21 years old.
The Cavs' young duo.
Jesse D. Garrabrant/NBAE/Getty Images
JM: I don't know. We got to give him what Barry Bonds was using for the last six years.
JM: Where are you LeBr… Wait, I mean … I just called Donald, LeBron. Wow, look at that!
DF: That's because my game is sick, I'm glad you recognize! I'm glad you recognize.
JM: Well you definitely talk more than LeBron on the court.
DF: I don't talk at all. I don't talk at all.
JM: You really should be mic'd. You were on my NBAE team and you were one of the best players.
DF: Look, if they every mic me for these games, it would be a lot of "BA DA BEEP, BLEEP, BEEEP. You going to let them get away with BEEP BEEEP BEEEEP."
JM: The only thing that Donald couldn't handle, or really anyone on the team for that matter, was Jason Sehorn's passes. He was one of our players and he threw the ball so hard. It was like, "Dude, who are you throwing it to buddy?"
Sehorn was known for his hard hits, now it's his hard passes.
DF: I don't know, man. I would love to see the Cavaliers pull it off.
JM: I love how no one is even talking about the Spurs.
DF: I know, and that's ridiculous because they went through the playoffs like it was nothing.
JM: Yeah, they destroyed everyone.
DF: Everyone. All these high-caliber offensive teams and the Spurs just walked through them.
JM: Obviously, LeBron is going to be, and is already gigantic star and they are praying that he's going to be the next Jordan.
DF: Oh yeah, of course.
JM: There are people that have lost interest in basketball in the last 15 years and they need somebody to get them back in.
DF: I think Tim Duncan is amazing. Listen, I think Mike is the last person to go to The Finals with nobody on his team. Everybody else had some kind of help. I mean, I say Scottie Pippen is dope, but the first time Mike went to The Finals, Pippen was just coming around.
LeBron James is like the first dude to ever go to The Finals with cats that did not play well. At all. One dude played well other than him. Against the Detroit Pistons, it was literally, for 25 points, Detroit vs. LeBron. And LeBron won! The WHOLE TEAM vs. one man, and he won. I've never seen anything like that.
JM: That was one of the greatest games ever.
DF: That was just amazing. Twenty-five points. And it wasn't like it was just LeBron vs. Chauncey Billups…Chauncey was scoring, freaking Rasheed Wallace was scoring…
JM: The other Cavaliers actually got in his way. They should have cleared the court off. He could have done it.
DF: But what I'm saying is, if he could do that against the Pistons, he could do that against anyone. How are they going to stop him? He's so dominant. But that's the only way they're going to win, too. He has to play like that every game of The Finals.
JM: Wait a second, didn't he take an I.V. after the second to last game? Man, what did they give him in the I.V. I'm always curious. They're like, "We, I gave him an I.V." Yeah, but what does it do? Is it like vitamins?
DF: LeBron says he doesn't take any type of enhancements…
JM: Yeah, that would be a mistake if he took enhancements. He would break other players in half. 6-8, 390 and he's 22. Donald, right now would you trade your illustrious career for that body?
DF: That body?
JM: Or to have those physical skills?
DF: Yeah, because as handsome as I am, I'd be the highest-grossing athlete ever in the NBA if I had that man's skills. Me?! With that freakin' dominance?! In the league?!
JM: It's so great that you think you're that handsome.
DF: Look, I'm going to be honest with you, a lot of these guys aren't really the most handsome fellows in the world (laughing)
JM: That's true. It's a good thing they learned how to play basketball. Who do you think the ugliest guy is in the NBA right now?
DF: I'm not going to dis anyone…(laughing)
JM: Alright. I'm going to say, in the history… I'm going to go with Duckworth. (laughing)
Brian Bahr/Getty Images/NBAE
DF: He'll find you. He'll be like, "I heard Joel McHale is talking bad on me…"
JM: Donald, did you watch a lot of the playoff games so far.
DF: I did.
JM: Alright, good. Do most of your friends watch it?
DF: Yeah, of course.
JM: OK. If you had to choose between an NBA Finals game or a special two-hour Deadliest Catch, what would you do?
DF: What are they fishing for?
JM: Oooh, I'm going to say, let's go with: cod.
DF: They're fishing for cod?
JM: Cod. Oh, it's an exciting one.
DF: Then, I'm watching the NBA.
JM: Yeah. I would too. Are you going to any of the games? Have you been invited to be flown there somehow by NBC after your big Scrubs pickup?
DF: You know what? The NBA hasn't invited me anywhere yet. Have they invited you?
JM: Not yet. I know a perfect way to pay Donald and I for this interview…
DF: I know a GREAT way to get paid. Give me season tickets to any team I want and we'll call it even. Plus, All-Star games for the rest of my life.
JM: So, who is going to win The Finals?
DF: Come on now, not one of these cats on the Cavaliers is even close to as good as Tim Duncan. Who's going to stop Tony Parker? Who's going to stop Manu? Who's going to stop these guys? Did you watch what Tony Parker did against A.I., who is a way better guard than Daniel Gibson? And did you watch what he did to Deron Williams, who is a way better guard than Gibson? LeBron is going to have to win this on his own, that's the only way they going to win - if he scores 40 every game. I don't care who wins, but logically, San Antonio on paper I think is way better than LeBron and them.
JM: I think I'll tell you who I think is going to win in a second, but I think that having LeBron James in The Finals is better than having the Pistons in The Finals, even though I think probably the Pistons and the Spurs matched up better, but LeBron, he is THE GUY now. He's going to be the Tiger Woods for basketball now. And if there is some way he pulls this off, then he will be a deity. He will be a god. He will be the God of Cleveland. So I'm kind of rooting for him and I think everyone is kind of rooting for him because he's just this incredible manchild and I would like to have a sample of his DNA and clone him.
DF: I would try to incorporate it into my own DNA. Maybe mutate myself.
JM: YES! And then I would tape the movie and I would turn into some horrible weird creature because a fly would have gotten in. But, I think the Spurs are going to win.
DF: I would love to see LeBron win this, I really would, but this Spurs team is just perfect. They've won three championships in the last 10 years. This team is well put together.
JM: You're right. They're unbelievable. But, they are not the most exciting team.
JM: Yeah, it doesn't matter really.
DF: Look, as long as you get wins, that's all that matters in the NBA if you're a player. Us viewers, maybe we want to see Golden State, we want to see something more exciting.
JM: Yeah and next year it will be the Cavaliers vs. the Las Vegas Sonics. I'm from Seattle, so it's painful.
DF: Is Mike Brown really a good coach? Let's ask that question right now. Is he a good coach or is he just a lucky guy with the best player in the world? I mean, is Phil Jackson really a good coach? He hasn't won a championship without having the most dominant players. When he had Mike, he won championships. When he had Shaq and Kobe, he won championships. I'm just saying.
JM: Yeah. Let's talk about Tim Duncan.
Joel and Donald favor Duncan's Spurs.
Andrew D. Bernstein/NBAE/Getty Images
DF: Tim Duncan has had a lot of players around him to make him better, but this year he is playing really well. No more plantar fasciitis. No more none of that. He's official this year. Tim Duncan was the best player in the Western Conference by far this year. Above Kobe, above Nash, above Nowitzki. Above all of them. Those players didn't go anywhere. Tim has been consistent the whole time.
JM: I like how plantar fasciitis is like a gardening problem and yet NBA players still get it. Why can't they rename it? So like someone who does too much yard work and a star NBA player can be suffering from the same thing. And it's not doing any help for Planters Peanuts who are my sponsor and who now I'm able to mention. YES!
JM: Hey Donald, can you get a hold of some of that Zach Braff money and give it to me?
DF: I am doing my best to get a hold of some of that Zach Braff money. I hope everybody on this planet gets a hold of some of that Zach Braff money.
JM: Is he doing voice overs for like Burger King now?
DF: Wendy's man.
JM: He's the voice of Wendy's?!
DF: Yeah, he's doing his thing.
JM: Good for him. Has he changed over the years, Donald?
DF: He's so different now …
JM: (Laughing) He's so much happier, taking money baths…(laughing)
DF: When I first met him, he was a miserable guy. He loves life now.
JM: Yeah man, I bet.
DF: I don't know what it is…
JM: I know what it is…
DF: I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that he found his biological father and stuff like that…
JM: Yeah, I was going to say dating Natalie Portman for a bit…
DF: Oh, really?
JM: Didn't he date her after Garden State?
DF: I could have sworn that he dated someone else. I don't know about these things. I heard he was dating Rihanna now…
JM: Wait, back to the NBA again…
DF: Next year in the NBA Entertainment League, we should be on the same team again.
McHale runs up the court with teammate James Lesure.
DF: I'm thinking maybe, maybe, maybe we can have a better run than we had this year.
JM: We had such a talented team I thought, and it all just came apart. I don't want to have to go against Donald Faison.
DF: I don't want to have to go against Joel McHale.
JM: Well, I'll just be trying to rebound most of the time. That's what I'm good at. That's the only thing I'm good at.
DF: No, you're pretty tough Joel.
JM: Well, I'm no Nana.
DF: Well, you know, a lot of people aren't Nana.
JM: OK, well I should get going because I have to go tape a special. And I know that you Donald, probably will be busy trying to decide what color Lamborghini to get or something with his 18-show pickup. Congratulations.
DF: Congratulations to you too, man.
JM: Well let's hope mine stays on for a while.
DF: When do you guys start filming?
JM: We film in late September/October and then we don't know when we'll be on, but it looks like it will be sometime in January.
DF: What's the show about?
JM: It's called the I.T. Crowd. It's about two guys that run the I.T. department at a big corporation.
DF: It was a British show before, right?
JM: Yeah. It's a British show and the guy in it is doing the British show right now and he's doing the American version.
DF: Great, I'll have something to look forward to watching after The Finals are over, other than Deadliest Catch.