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KERO-WHACKED!
Posted by Rob Peterson on May 10 2004 1:45 p.m. ET
THE ROAD IS NO PLACE TO WIN A GAME Going "On the Road" was much easier for Sal and Dean than NBA teams in the conference semifinals. With 10 conference semifinal games played through Sunday night, only one team -- the Sacramento Kings -- has managed to win a game away from home (and they blew a chance to win another one, but more on that later). And because no one can win on the road, we inevitably get the "They're down 2-0, they're done" stories, followed by the even more inevitable "Look, they have life!" articles. Still, it's our duty, nay, it is our pleasure to bring you news from each series. Let's start with the only series that's tied. Cool?
WOLVES-KINGS After stealing Game 1 and home-court advantage from the Wolves, the Kings put on a performance in Game 2 that went right into the "Oh, that's not good, not good at all" file. The loss had that certain eau de toilet to it, vintage 2002. -- Sacramento Bee
If anyone could take credit for preventing the Timberwolves from becoming an endangered species, it's Sam Cassell, who made shots and plays when it mattered.
As a matter of fact, any time a player comes through in the Crunch, they inherit the mantle of Mr. Clutch from Jerry West
And here's an interesting entry from the Sacramento Bee, two stories under the same headline: Two guards trying to call audibles. One is about Cassell and his inability to hear out of his left ear. The other is about Doug Christie needing to shake off his poor performance at the end of Game 2.
LAKERS-SPURS In the Spurs-Lakers series, broken ankles come one of two ways. First, you have the traditional method such as Tony Parker's killer crossover on Devean George. The second is the sound of all those folks jumping from the Lakers' bandwagon. To wit, on Sunday, with the Lakers heading into Game 3 down 2-0:
Out of Control and Again, Lakers Near Exit Again
Lakers Dilemma: To Be or Not To Be -- Great
The Glove is off: Payton isn't the player we remember
Lakers talk of dynasty, but Spurs interrupt
Parker has the Spurs running smoothly After the Lakers' impressive 105-81 win at STAPLES in Game 3, it's back on board the bandwagon as L.A. goes from Fakers to Lakers. "I'm angry with the Los Angeles Lakers today, and you should be, too, for withholding their excellence until the eighth game of the NBA playoffs," writes Michael ("PTI") Wilbon of the Washington Post. "How dare they finally come to play three games into the second round?" I can't share Wilbon's indignation because it discredits the effort of the Lakers' opponents in the first two round, especially the tail-kicking the Spurs delivered in the first two games of the conference semifinals series.
Mother of all revivals
They're in the mood for Glove
Parker's third act a flop My prediction for Game 4: If the Lakers win, "Now it's a series!" If the Spurs win, "Lakers are done."
PISTONS-NETS The Pistons lead the Nets 2-1 in this series, which features two of the league's more bruising teams and has highlighted defense, defense and more defense. The losing team has averaged 66.7 points in the three losses. 66.7! Didn't Michael Jordan score 63 points in a playoff game once? (That's a rhetorical question, people.) I rarely pine for the "good ol' days," but, c'mon, fellas. While the teams are wielding brickbats on the floor, the sticks and stones are being thrown from the front office and the bench. Seems that Nets GM Rod Thorn and Pistons coach Larry Brown have a cold war going on.
Present claws! Meow!
PACERS-HEAT We haven't reached South Beach yet in this series and already the prophets of doom have begun to speak of the Heat's demise.
As a matter of fact, those soothsayers appeared immediately. After the Pacers dispatched the Heat 94-81 in Game 1, the press room box score printouts had barely cooled when this column appeared: Heat miss best chance for upset. Or as Bob Kravitz wrote: "The first thing the Indiana Pacers want to do this morning is ignore this column. Turn to Indiana Living and see what Billy Graham has to say. Or check out the front section of the paper, which is rumored to be filled with real-life news about things that matter. "Because I'm going to say something here they don't want to read. "This series is done." I've had meals that have taken longer to digest.
After Game 2, it was no different, as the columnists suggested the Pacers essentially beat the Heat with one O'Neal tied behind their back.
Still, on paper, the Heat aren't half bad.
ALL-TIME FINALS CHALLENGE Here's how one man's selections for our All-Time Finals Challenge. -- ESPN.com and NBA.com What do I think? Well, since I'm not on the "experts" panel (I'm no expert, but I play one in Click and Roll), I figured it would be fun for me to breakdown the All-Time Finals Challenge as I see fit. So, let's get to pickin', shall we?
1. '96 Chicago Bulls (72-10) vs. 16. '70 New York Knicks (62-20)
8. '89 Detroit Pistons (63-19) vs. 9. 2000 L.A. Lakers (67-15)
5. '71 Milwaukee Bucks (66-16) vs. 12. '50 Mpls. Lakers (51-17)
4. '86 Boston Celtics (66-16) vs. 13. '60 Boston Celtics (59-16)
6. '83 Philadelphia 76ers (65-17) vs. 11. '91 Chicago Bulls (61-21) After picking up Moses Malone in the offseason in hopes of winning an NBA title, the '83 Sixers were as close as a team of destiny as you could get. They rumbled through the regular season and almost went "fo', fo', fo'" in the playoffs as Malone famously predicted. (They lost one game in the Eastern Conference finals.) The 1990-91 Bulls were a nice team, but better than the '83 Sixers? Nope, I can't go for that.
3. '67 Philadelphia 76ers (68-13) vs. 14. '65 Boston Celtics (62-18)
7. '87 L.A. Lakers (65-17) vs. 10. '99 San Antonio Spurs (37-13)
2. '72 L.A. Lakers (69-13) vs. 15. '81 Boston Celtics (62-20)
TIP-INS Pistons coach Larry Brown is a basketball savant. He knows what every player has done and will do. He knows which shots will go in and which ones won't. He knows how many steps it is from every locker room to center court of every NBA arena. I also hear, he's an excellent driver. An excellent driver. -- Newark Star-Ledger
How long did the Pacers need to wait between their first-round sweep and their opener with the Heat in the Eastern Conference semifinals? Austin Croshere had time to direct his gardener as to where the help should put the mums and posies. Jermaine O'Neal had some time to watch some cool and gross invasive surgery on the Health Channel.
Not only did O'Neal get to watch surgery on TV, he was able to go back in time as well and attend a prom. He didn't have enough time to learn how to pin on a corsage, however.
This column is funny and sad at the same time.
Where does practically every NBA big cheese get his start? Wisconsin, of course.
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