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March 4 -- Docket #4.22
Remain seated and come to order. The Honorable AJ Mass presiding...

There's a German film called "Rohtenburg" which tells the story of a computer repairman who killed and ate a victim who not only actually wanted to be eaten, but even played an active part in his own demise. (Maybe he seasoned himself with his grandmother's secret blend of herbs and spices? I don't know.) It all sounds pretty gross and possibly even laughable as a plot, except for the fact it is based on a true story – which is a huge problem. Seems the cannibal in question sought an injunction against the film, saying that widespread release of the movie would unfairly prejudice a retrial of his case. And the German courts agreed, forbidding the film to be shown in Germany, at least until the trial is over.

I'm very confused about this. The cannibal's lawyer won his argument that the film shouldn't be shown because it is too close to the events of his client's life, but portrays him as a beastly murderer, which he felt was "an exaggeration and (made) a travesty of the actual incident". So, tell me… if the defense attorney has already admitted that the film about a killer cannibal is based on his client's life, then isn't a trial unnecessary? That certainly sounds like a confession to me. Come on, you can’t have your human flesh and eat it, too!

Kevo 252 sends us this tasty morsel about two trades he recently made:

"My team is hovering in the fifth to seventh place range in a ten team league where only six teams make the playoffs. I decided to shake things up right before the trade deadline. In one trade, I got Paul Pierce for Shaquille O'Neal and Ricky Davis. In the second trade, I got Chris Bosh and Darius Miles for Andrei Kirilenko. My team needed scoring desperately, and I think I got that… but at the expense of my blocks and maybe my steals as well. I think I also came away with a better team in FT% and maybe slightly in rebounds as a result of the deal. Did I do OK?"

Name	Team	GP	Reb	Ast	Stl	Blk	PPG	TCE (FUTURE)	RANK
Paul Pierce	BOS	57	7	4.6	1.4	0.4	27	18.36	16
Ricky Davis	MIN	59	4.6	4.9	1.2	0.2	19.9	14.89	40
Shaquille O'Neal	MIA	39	9.2	1.7	0.4	1.7	19.7	13.87	57
Name	Team	GP	Reb	Ast	Stl	Blk	PPG	TCE (FUTURE)	RANK
Chris Bosh	TOR	57	9.1	2.5	0.7	1.1	22.7	15.44	33
Darius Miles	POR	23	5.4	2.2	1.1	1.2	16.7	12.97	65
Andrei Kirilenko	UTA	46	8.1	4.1	1.6	2.8	15.2	18.64	13

Here's a perfect example of why nobody should ever veto a trade without seeing the whole picture. In many leagues, I'm afraid, both of these deals, if taken alone would be summarily vetoed as one-sided and unfair. Pierce for Davis and Shaq is a two-for-one that is getting a little too much value for Mr. Paul and his family's fish sticks. Similarly, the AK-47 deal comes across as a little too much in return even for one the elite small forwards in the Association. But these deals need to be looked at, not individually, but as the sum of their parts.

Pierce for AK is pretty darn even. Davis and Shaq for Bosh and Darius almost a dead heat swap. That's a incredibly fair trade when looked at as a whole, and Kevo should be commended for getting such value… and also for not being afraid to make a deal to change the makeup of his team when he didn't think it was working. He came out better in some categories and worse in others, but the shakeup might juggle the mix of categories enough to give him that final playoff spot… or the whole deal could be a horrible disaster. You don't know. But you can’t be chicken and not shake things up when you're unhappy about standing still. Make the best deal you can and hope for the best. That's what Kevo did. And if things don't work out, he can always take his league to Das Menschen Gericht and get an injunction to stop the trade from having happened in the first place.

Sometimes you have to stand up against your Commish in your league, and you can’t be afraid to do so if you feel you are right. This is especially true if you happen to be the Assistant Commish, where your primary job is to rule on trades involving your superior. But you've got to make sure you are right when you do, or the repercussions can be long-lasting. Take it away, Elmattattan:

"I play in a head to head league with no keepers. I'm one of five teams fighting for the last few playoff spots. One of the teams is owned by my Commish. He made a three-team trade with a team which is one loss away from being eliminated, and the other which is tied for the last playoff spot (with the toughest remaining schedule and no realistic shot at the playoffs). As Assistant Commish, it was my job to decide if the trade was fair or not. I vetoed the trade. The Commish would have received the following in return for Shaq and Andre Miller: Vince Carter, Chauncey Billups, and Drew Gooden. I wanted your thoughts on this trade. Bear in mind that The Commish brought the Owner of one of these teams into the league this season (a team that has now traded away Carter, Gooden and Jason Kidd and only received in return Miller, Pau Gasol and Morris Peterson) and had earlier in the season acquired Shaq from the other team. To me it was all questionable. Needless to say, in a 16-team league this deal makes The Commish's team the favorite."

First off, I must commend your league for having an Assistant Commish rule on deals involving the Commish. Having a built-in system of checks and balances is a good idea. However, veto power is like having a nuclear arsenal or a free pass to be with "one other woman a year". It's really only a viable threat if it is never used. Otherwise, it is lights out for the whole league. Let's look at the deal in question: Miller for Carter is a toss-up. Shaq for Billups is giving up huge rebounding and blocks in exchange for assists and is more even than not. Gooden is merely a throw-in who does help get back some of the rebounding totals, but little else. Is it a perfect trade? No. Is the Commish getting a little bit more value than he is giving? Probably. Is it a worth a veto? On its face, I’d say not.

Your main problem is your credibility in rating deals. You criticize the team giving up Carter and Gooden by lamenting the lack of return he has gotten on all his deals this year. But looking at the numbers, he's actually done OK for himself. Carter, Gooden and Kidd for Gasol, Miller and Peterson is fairly even. I might not prefer what he's ended up with, but it's nothing to cry foul over either. And just because he and the Commish are friends, that doesn't mean collusion exists. The fact that they are friends might mean they talk more frequently than other owners, that they trust each other more than other owners and are more likely to trade with each other than other owners ... but that doesn't equal automatic veto.

What I am confused and concerned about and what you don't really explain clearly is actually the main reason to void the deal in question. You say the Commish had already acquired Shaq from the other team in this deal earlier in the season… and the way your letter reads, it appears he is now sending him back to this team. That is a huge no-no in my book. Teams should never be allowed to trade back a player to a team they got the player from, especially in a head-to-head league. Otherwise, you can get a team "loaning out" its best players to another squad so they can beat a specific team one week, only to have them all come back the next. And while that's not what happened here, this loophole can easily be abused.

So, if I am right in my Shaq-summption, then you are hereby granted a stay of execution, and you did the right thing in voiding the deal, though probably not for the right reasons. But all's well that ends well. Now let's get ourselves a little KFC. I'm hungry!!!

Next week: More from the mailbag, including angry letters from Anthony Hopkins, Jeffrey Dahmer, Masha Lopatova, Colonel Sanders and the fine folks at Berlitz.

All rise ... The Court has now adjourned!

AJ Mass is a fantasy expert for NBA.com. His column The Commish’s Court runs every Saturday as part of the NBA.com Premium Scouting Report. Contact him at thecommish@TalentedMrRoto.com.

The views expressed by the TalentedMrRoto.com represent only the views of the writers; they do not represent the views of the NBA or any NBA team.