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Oct. 19 -- I want to set a good example for all of you Virtual NBA types. So, from now on, I type this column in full, Edwardian Top and Tails. White tie. Got married in it to the Current Mrs. Cregan. I kind of look like Monopoly’s Rich Uncle Pennybags.

So, I’m in about 10 leagues. Trying to break through everyone’s initial post-draft euphoria. I find that people don’t like to touch their teams for about a week after that wonderful draft night.

Then, the offers start to trickle in. I must admit, I’m not used to Public Leagues. I’m used to leagues where people know what they’re doing. The obvious rip-offs are skipped. People tend to cut to the chase. Some of these Public Leagues are…different.

These are the most ludicrous offers I’ve received to date (other team first):

ANTOINE WALKER and CHRIS DUHON for PAU GASOL.

This is like somebody offering me a bagful of magic beans. Nothing personal, it’s just that Walker is one of my least favorite players -- no, strike that -- my least favorite player in all of fantasy basketball. I tend to value things like free throw percentage. And no, Chris Duhon doesn’t make me feel better.

YAO MING for TIM DUNCAN

I’m going to talk more about Duncan in a nanosecond, but this offer is indicative as to why they should have higher admission standards at our nation’s community colleges.

And, the coup de grace –

TRACY MCGRADY & ERIK DAMPIER for LEBRON JAMES & DWIGHT HOWARD

This is the kind of trade my childhood hero, Wes Unseld, would have accepted. Wes Unseld is a very nice man. I’ll leave it at that.

What's my first tip about how to tell which teams in public leagues are owned by morons? You can tell a lot by looking at the name one chooses for their team. Names such as “Meghan is Cool” and “The Steve Mitchells” betray more than a dollop of narcissistic, uncreative and self-delusional thought patterns. As a matter of fact, “The Steve Mitchells” were the ones that offered me the Yao for Duncan trade.

But these teams are nothing compared to the double digit I.Q.’s that come up with the names designed to throw buckets of fear on cowering owners. I’m sorry, but if you choose to name your imaginary squad something such as “YOU ALL SUCK” or “MR. BIG BALLS,” I’m not quaking in my Aldos. And no, using ALL CAPS doesn’t add to the effect.

These are the guys that email you back after a trade proposal with messages such as “Who’s your DADDY?” and “Daddy didn’t raise no CHUMPS.” Apparently, there’s something about fathering a child that makes you extremely short-tempered and recalcitrant. I also find that these owners tend to gravitate more towards Head-to-Head leagues.

One trade I made that I don’t feel was one-sided either way was in my NBA.Com Expert League. I traded Richard Hamilton for Jason Williams. I know, it’s the kind of trade that looks like it favored the other guy. But, my team needed three-pointers and assists -- two things that Mr. Williams has over Mr. Hamilton. It’s nothing personal, but in general I stay away from shooting guards. They tend to excel in the emptiest category in Fantasy Basketball -- points scored. Points are what less savvy owners look at first. It’s the category that causes more over-inflation than any other. It’s Roto-Pyrite.

Look at the percentage categories. I find that it’s the last thing most owners pay attention to. It’s especially important early in the season, because it’s the hardest category to make a move in. I like to take as many high-percentage guys as possible, build a lead in those categories, than look to trade them down the line for difference makers in blocks, steals and three-pointers.

I’ve participated in several more drafts this past week. Here are some players that are going too high and too low:

DERON WILLIAMS, PG, UTAH JAZZ
Deron Williams has consistently been going ahead of solid vets such as Damon Stoudamire, Rafer Alston and the aforementioned Jason Williams. I know he’s very talented, and that he’s in a great situation in Utah, but he is a rookie, and an unproven performer. If you’re in a league that counts turnovers, I’d tread a bit more carefully.

ZACH RANDOLPH, F, PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS
Microfracture surgery has been in the news a great deal since Amare Stoudemire went under the knife last week. It’s very dicey surgery, one not everyone makes it all the way back from (see Allan Houston’s retirement earlier in the week). And even if you do make it back, people say it takes a year to regain your form. Randolph apparently still has a way to go in his recovery. And now he’s in Nate McMillian’s doghouse (he was thrown out of practice this week). He’s no better than fifth-round material at this moment.

BARON DAVIS, G, GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS
Something’s changed since last week. This isn’t a reflection of a healthy Baron Davis’ Fantasy value. But it’s the word "healthy" that’s giving me pause. All of the glowing preseason reports have boosted Davis into the early second round. If he plays seventy to seventy-five games, it’s a steal. But chances are he’ll play ten games less than that.

LARRY HUGHES, G, CLEVELAND CAVALIERS
Hughes has been going in the 20-to-25 pick range in many of my drafts. This would be fine if he was still a Wizard. But he’s now on an absolutely loaded Cavalier team that will afford him fewer offensive opportunities than last year. He’s also a perennial injury risk, and coming off of a contract year performance where he far exceeded his previous numbers.

AL JEFFERSON, F, BOSTON CELTICS
Jefferson’s a fine Fantasy prospect with a great future. However, he’s spent most of the preseason on the pine, nursing an ankle injury that Doc Rivers confessed is "worse than we previously thought." Downgrade to the ninth or tenth round.

RASHARD LEWIS, F, SEATTLE SUPERSONICS
Again, there’s some injury concern here, but Lewis has been consistently going in the fourth and, dare I say, fifth round of many of my drafts. Lewis is a stud, a third-round producer that’s been getting the cold shoulder from most owners.

TIM DUNCAN, F/C, SAN ANTONIO SPURS
Yes, injury concerns and limited minutes should drop him slightly. But there’s just no excuse for him going with the fourteenth pick in a league where he qualifies at Center. If he qualifies at Center in your league, he’s the first Center off the board. End of discussion.

RAJA BELL, G, PHOENIX SUNS
Even before the Stoudemire surgery, Bell should have been taken in all deep leagues. But now, you should definitely start looking for Bell in the tenth round.

PEJA STOJAKOVIC, F, SACRAMENTO KINGS
Last year was an off year. Chris Webber is now a 76er. He’s freaking Peja Stojakovic. Don’t let him slip into the fourth round.

PAUL PIERCE, G/F, BOSTON CELTICS Pierce’s value has been depressed due to rampant trade rumors and some bad press. He’s still a Celtic, and he’s still a second round pick -- at the latest. Pierce offers a great deal of what I call “Funky Production.” He’s solid in categories you wouldn’t expect a Small Forward to excel in – almost five assists, seven rebounds and two steals per game? Pierce is an elite performer that should be taken somewhere between picks 12 to 20 in any draft.

John Cregan is ready to assuage his guilt by answering your trade queries. He can be reached at g5yp@talentedmrroto.com.