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Avast mateys! This be the treasure we seek. Elton's legs without a peg or a boot! Glenn James (NBAE/Getty Images)
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Avast, Me Scurvy Sea Dogs!
posted by Dena | September 19 @ 10:52 am
Ahoy tharr Clipper Nation! Today is “International Talk Like a Pirate Day!”
What, you ask, do pirates have to do with the Los Angeles Clippers? According to fan Chris S. from Los Angeles, if the Clippers were to have a mascot, it should be a pirate. A Clipper by definition is "a very fast multiple-masted sailing ship of the 19th century," and who better to sail the seas but a swarrrthy ol' pirate!
So in honor of Chris S.'s suggestion, I am writing this blarrrg with "Talk Like a Pirate Day" in mind. (At least most of it.)
Some very important matters to address before I get to ye e-mails.
Aye! Clippers injured superstarrr Elton Brand has upgraded from peg leg to boot leg! The forward had his surgically repaired left Achilles tendon re-examined by Dr. Craig Morgan on Tuesday. Brand had the cast removed from his left leg and was fitted for a removable walking boot which he is expected to wear for the next six weeks. He will be re-evaluated by Dr. Morgan at the end of that time period. Then Brand will finally starrrt his rehabilitation program.
Speaking of injured NBA starrs, the Trail Blazers suffered a monumental loss after an exploratory arrrthroscopic surgery revealed carrrtilage damage to Greg Oden’s right knee. The Blazers rookie is likely to miss the entire season. I hate to say “I told ye so,” Clipper Nation, but… I told ye so!
On August 20th I wrote: “Any team out there is just freak accident and/or a season-ending injury away from having a key player out for a significant amount of time.” Avast!
Aye! All 18 lovely maidens of ye Clippers Spirit Dance Team have been introduced on Clippers.com. Check out the beauties here.
The countdown is only thirteen days until the Clippers begin training camp in Santa Barrrbarrra. Send me some questions for our players and I'll get some answers. Aye Aye!
And finally… Ye old Michigan football team is not as bad a football team as Notre Dame! It’s about time ye won, Lloyd Carrr! (I still think Carrr will walk the plank at the end of this season!)
I can’t do this anymore. No more (or at least limited) pirate talk until we get to the end of this blarrrg. Time to get to your burning questions, Clipper Nation.
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Smarrrtly to Ye E-Mails, Clipper Nation!
Kevin C. from Costa Mesa, CA writes…
How come people are so down about the upcoming season? I know we lost a couple of studs, but I think we are still in good shape. I’ll support my team for as long as I live. Clippers for life! I can’t wait until the upcoming season.
Aye Kevin!
Let me know next time you’re coming to a game. It’d be an honor to shake your hand.
Taylor Moxon from Long Beach, CA writes (again)…
Two Questions: 1) Any word on how Sam Cassell is feeling? 2) Who do you think will come back from injury first, Livingston or Brand?
Ahoy Taylor,
You truly are my most loyal of readers. So many questions from you each week; you must really believe I know what I’m talking about. Thanks!
I’ve seen Sam twice this summer, most recently at a practice in July just before Summer League began. He said he was feeling great and his back hadn’t been bothering him for a while. Then he schooled our trainer Richard Williams in a game of one-on-one. Per usual, there was lots of trash talk. LOTS. He seemed really upbeat and ready to play, and was thrilled about having Al Thornton on the team.
The first time we bumped into each other was back in May at the Crate & Barrel in Beverly Hills. I had been helping a friend pick out some chairs for his cigar room when Sam walked by. I called out to him and at first he waved at me as if I was just a fan, then he realized it was me and we caught up a bit. He said then he was feeling really good, but he was bummed about not being able to play in May.
That’s the thing I love about the guys on our team. You can run into one of them at a Crate & Barrel and talk about the weather, their health and just about anything, as if you’re old friends. Unfortunately I can’t say the same about other players I’ve worked with, with the exception of my BFF Chauncey Billups. Nicest guy ever.
Now, as for who will come back first, Elton or Shaun? After much thought, the following conclusion seems appropriate: if they wanted to give a certain Clipper Nation Correspondent (raising hand) the best belated birthday present ever (the correspondent turns 27 again on February 21st), they would both return to the line-up on February 23rd to face the Lakers at home. A correspondent can dream, right?
Now for a real answer. As noted above, Elton has graduated to wearing a walking boot. Six weeks from now, assuming all goes well at his next examination, he should begin rigorous therapy that includes a cardiovascular, flexibility and strengthening program. After that begins, we should have a better picture on his return. As far as I know, Shaun is ahead of schedule on his rehabilitation, but there’s still “no timetable set for his return.” My best guess (and this is only a guess) is Brand will come back first, but a lot can change between now and when they actually return.
Dee-Dee Ragan from Perry, GA writes…
Congratulations goes out to Al Thornton. We never have enough to say about one of our own down in Perry, GA! The opportunity of a lifetime is ahead of him. I would like for him to make me proud. His ability to stay strong at what he does has got him this far. We love you very much!
Aye, Dee-Dee!
You rock my socks off. Thanks for the sending the kind words along; they have been passed along to Mr. Thornton.
You’re 100% correct. Al has a lot of work ahead of him, but his work ethic has proven to be more than stellar. Here’s a little ditty for you: the day Al and his family arrived in Los Angeles for the first time was July 5th (Thornton Thursday!), the day he was introduced via press conference to the team and media. He hopped on a flight around 5:00 am EST (That’s 2:00 am PST for those keeping score at home) and arrived at STAPLES Center around 11:00 am. Immediately following the press conference, he and his parents went house hunting and then Al was off to the first Summer League practice for two-plus hours.
I caught up with him the next afternoon. Practice had already ended more than an hour before, but he was still out on the court, taking shots from every single spot in the paint and some along the perimeter. I asked him how he was feeling and he said, “Terrible.” He hadn’t practiced well the night before, probably from running around all day Thursday and the time difference, and he felt it was necessary to put in some extra work to make up for it. Then he had another practice that afternoon, the next morning, and was off to Vegas. He led the Clips with 17.6 ppg, pulled down 6.0 rpg and shot 37.7% from the field.
The man’s definitely got hearrrt. Mark my words we’ll see something pretty special come out of that kid this season and for years to come.
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I'd like to wish a very happy (upcoming) birthday to the following wonderful people in the Clippers family...
Joseph Redondo from Lakewood, CA writes…
First off, I just want to say thanks for taking the time to answer my past questions. So anyway, I just want to know if you have a “name” that I can address you with when I write to your blog. Or is your nickname “The Wolverine” now?
GO CLIPPERS!!!
Aye Joseph,
I’m always happy to answer your questions here. And yes, I do have a “name.” It’s Dena. I also have lots of nicknames: Dee, Dena B., Dena Beth, DKLA, DBK, The Wolverine, Shortee, Half Pint, Point-Five, The Champ … etc. But around here at the Clip Joint, the people just call me "Clippers.com," and with authority. I don't, however, have a pirate name. If you can come up with one, that'd be awesome.
 Pick Up Arrrtist Joe D. |
Dena,
Did you hear about the fight outside? Yeah, two girls, they were fighting over a guy named George.
Ahoy Joe D.,
I thought his name was Jorge? Mystery's Pick Up Arrrtist tactics won’t work on me, but they might just work on my best friend. You should know, she has a monster crush on you. She wants you to come to LA so you’re not stuck in your parent's basement. If you can prove you’re the real “Joe D.” (and I don’t mean Dumars) she may just dump her boyfriend for you.
P.S. Sorry you got booted from the show man. I really was pullin’ for ya!
Silent J's Rebuttal. Arrrr!
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While your Top Five Strong Bad Emails is gooooooooood....on a scale of one to awesome, mine is super great! I give you...THE ALL TIME SUPER-TERRIFIC E-MAIL LIST OF DOOOOOOOM:
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5. Dreamail: "Especially you, Katie 80"
4. Caffeine: "In addition to the cut of your jib, I likes the sound of your town. Murfreesboro."
3. Virus: "Computer Over. Virus = Very Yes."
2. Guitar: "And the dragon comes in the NIIIIiiiiiIIIiiiiiIIIiiiiiggggghhhhh!"
1. Anything: "The never ending sodaaaaa...."
Sincerely,
Silent J
Silent J,
You scalawag. I have only one thing to say: "Jug jigga jug jigga jug jigga jug jigga jug jigga JAH JAH jiggidy jug jigga jug jigga jug jigga jug jigga JAH JAAH!"
P.S. Please don’t make a wet computer out of my computer.
And the winner of this week's Too Much Time On Ye Hands Award is... die-hard Clippers fan Jeff B. from Corpus Christie, TX!
Not only did Jeff send me this great Saturday Night Live pirate sketch featuring Peter Sarrrsgarrrd, Jeff also sent me not one, but 67 of his tailor-made Clipper-related pirate jokes! I won't post them all, mostly because they're all pretty awful and/or highly inappropriate, but here is my favorite of the bad "Clipper-ized" pirate jokes he sent.
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Who was the pirate's favorite basketball player?
No, NOT Kareem Abdul-JabAARRR... but Elton Brand! He's a superstarrr that works harrrd and drives a fancy carrr! (Obviously.)
Hey Clipper Nation. Give me something to blarrrg about! Simply fill out the form below to leave me ye feedback. If you make laugh harrrd, your thoughts could be posted on Clippers.com! Read more of my blarrrgs here.
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