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That salutation is how they say hello in New Zealand. It’s a Maori word, and if you’ve ever seen the movie “Once Were Warriors,” you’d know that those Maoris are some bad mofos. Remember that if you’re ever down under.

Before we get started, I have to warn you that I’m not in the greatest mood today. I wasn’t invited along on the trip to New York with the club. I’m not so much angry about not traveling. After all, I just made the six-game West Coast trip last week. It’s the reason why I’m not traveling.

It turns out that Cavaliers Marketing Director, Brian Thornton is taking his family skiing on Saturday and will be unable to fulfill his weekend responsibility of watching the Early Bird. Somehow the job bypassed all the salespeople and landed on your buddy, the Optimist.

A couple of interns in a minivan dropped him off at my swinging pad on Thursday afternoon, and he’s been wreaking havoc on my place ever since. You may have seen the Early Bird at Cavaliers games or on our TV commercials, so you know he’s no ordinary bird. He was captured off the Barbary Coast by a group of South Korean fisherman a few years ago and he goes 5-10, 225.

Last night, when I wasn’t chasing him around with a broom, I was picking up his St. Bernard-size “droppings”. He can’t fly, but he can run really fast. And sometime early this morning, the Early Bird got into the refrigerator and when I woke up for work, there was pumpkin pie, leftover fried chicken and baba ganoush all over my apartment.

But I guess that’s my problem. Let’s talk some Wine and Gold. It’ll help me get my mind off that damn thing.

Our beloved Cavaliers are coming off a big win on Wednesday night, as predicted by Wongstein in my last column. TheBron came out of the tunnel like Willis Reed to lead Cleveland home. I had a chill up my spine, I did. If that little hoser, Steve Nash doesn’t win MVP, you’ve got to look seriously at TheBron.

Stupid bird.

Speaking of Willis Reed, tonight the Cavaliers travel to the mecca of basketball, Madison Square Garden, to take on Bruno Sundov and the struggling New York Knicks. The great Lenny Wilkens stepped down last weekend and turned the reigns over to former Buckeye, Herb Williams.

Herb Williams was the first celebrity the Optimist saw when I moved to New York several years ago. I broke a cardinal rule of the Big Apple right off the bat. As I was riding by on my bike, I yelled, “HEY, HERB!” That’s a no-no. You’re not supposed to call out celebrities on the streets. You’re supposed to walk right by as if they’re the same as you.

At a later date, I saw Jerry Stiller going to dinner in SoHo, but I didn’t blurt out “YO, FRANK COSTANZA!” I had learned my lesson, you see.

Herb Williams and Co. have their work cut out for them tonight. The Knicks are thinking they can get past the Cavaliers tonight because every player on our roster has a leg injury. But it won’t be that easy.

All we have to do is look back to the matchup between the two clubs a couple weeks ago in which the Wine and Gold thumped New York so bad on national TV, ABC pre-empted the second half with a rerun of “Battle of the Network Stars.”

TheBron is a game-time decision, but the decision will be made as soon as he sees Jay-Z, Dave Chapelle and Spike Lee sitting courtside, frothing for a chance to see the Chosen One smote their sorry Knicks. I see LBJ dropping 27 points on New York tonight. And look for the Masked Man to get his third career triple-double.

Zydrunas Ilguaskas adds 23 points and Drew Gooden, 18 points and 13 boards. The Cavaliers win this one going away, 107-92, on Friday night in New York.

In the words of former heavyweight champion of the world, Apollo Creed: “That’s the way I see it. And that’s the way it’s gonna be.”

Alright, faithful readers. Have yourself a good weekend. I’m leaving the Titanic Tower early today. I can’t leave the Early Bird alone for too long. If my cat eats that thing, Cavaliers president Len Komoroski will kill me. As always …

Keep the faith, Cleveland

Your pal,
The Optimist