Shalom.
My friends, when I was young and my heart was an open book, I used to say: “Live and let live.” (You know I did.) But when this ever-changing world in which we live in, made me give in and cry, I said: “Live and die.” I said: “Live and let die.”
And that cut-throat, kill-or-be-killed attitude has guided me to this fateful day in late April.
Hello – My name is “The Optimist.” And today, I’ll be checking in once again from the Rock and Roll Capital of Planet Earth.
Look – the Wine and Gold came into their best-of-seven series with Washington wanting to play nice. Sure, they were bored by having to knock out the Wizards for the third straight year. Still, they conducted themselves like gentlemen.
But the Wizards would have none of it. They’ve exercised bad sportsmanship from the minute their matchup against the Cavaliers ended on March 13 and have carried it right through the first four games of the playoffs. First, DeShawn Stevenson called TheBron names. Then Gilbert Arenas proclaimed that the Wizards “wanted” the Cavaliers on something called a “blog.”
Next thing you know, we’re watching Brendan Haywood spend half the First Round clubbing TheBron about his face, neck, chest and head or dunking with his junk in Daniel Gibson’s grill. And Stevenson was once again a poor host in two games over the weekend – making rude gestures on Thursday and, like Haywood, clocking TheBron upside his head on Sunday.
For their indiscretions, the Cavaliers had no choice but to hand the Wiz Kids another crushing defeat – this time at the hands of Delonte West, who buried a late dagger from the corner and gave the Cavaliers a 3-1 edge in the series with the 100-97 win. Boobie, Ben Wallace and Joe Smith also came up big and, of course, TheBron was huge – going off for 34, 12 and 7.
FEAR THE
BASS!
|
Tonight, our beloved Cavaliers have a chance to end this whole ugly affair and send Washington packing in front of what promises to be a frothing full-house on the corner of Huron and Ontario.
As for you Wizards, from what I’m hearing, in the Potomac, because of the chilly March temperatures, there have been fewer herring seen near Chain Bridge. But waders have hooked some nice-sized stripers from shore, and a few catfish – up to 25 pounds – have been snagged near the bottom.
Up near the Susquehenna Flats, slightly larger striped bass have been picked up at Swan Point. Bottom fishing with live bait such as eels or large shiners has been productive, with white perch biting well in the Susquehanna River, as anglers have been using two-inch green twisters, bloodworms, or grass shrimp.
But what the heck am I telling you Wizards for?!
You’ve faced the Cavaliers in the playoffs three straight years. You know where the fish are biting in late April.
Speaking of fishing, check out the helpful little gem the E-Master 7000™ – (not to be confused with the Bass-Master 6000™) – reeled in when we got back to Cleveland …
Dear Optimist,
I think we need to add a new ranking on TheBron intensity meter. Level 5 just doesn't cut it when TheBron got shoved by Brendan Haywood.
Tyler Veldhuizen
North Canton, OH
First of all, thanks for reading and writing in, Tyler. Normally, I don’t publish readers’ last names, but I thought yours was cool and wanted to share it with the entire World Wide Web. I hope the IRS isn’t looking for you.
And, Tyler Veldhuizen, you are correct, sir. This series does warrant an urgent re-shuffling of what we actually call “TheBron Angry-Meter.” As you can see below, we have extended the scale to allow for a more nuanced Bron.
What the young King does at his highest level tonight won’t be pretty. (Unless you’re a Cavaliers fan, in which case it’ll be bloody beautiful.)
With Washington playing a tough – but clean – first quarter, TheBron stays at a Level 3: intense but destructive.
The Wizards lead by five halfway through the second, when everything changes on one trip down the floor. While defending the pick-and-roll, TheBron overhears DeShawn Stevenson insinuating that a member of the Cavaliers coaching staff’s mother wears combat boots.
TheBron immediately moves up to a 6.3 and scores the final seven points of the first half, with Cleveland retaking the lead – 51-48.
Both teams cool down at intermission, but Stevenson’s back to his old tricks in the third. His over-aggressive defense gets TheBron into the 7’s. But late in the third, with the Cavaliers trailing by a bucket, Stevenson collides with Zydrunas Ilgausaskas trying to get through a screen. When the Large Lithuanian tries to help Stevenson up, he responds: “Up your nose with a rubber hose!”
The Chosen One can stand no more.
A Daniel Gibson three-pointer from the right corner – giving the Cavaliers a seven-point cushion – brings him down to around an 8.3 – but by then, it’s too late. The destruction has already begun; the best thing to do at this point is get the kids down into the storm cellar.
Washington gets to within four with just over a minute to play, but No. 23 – already leading all scorers with 42 points – comes roaring down the runway, full of sound and fury, signifying everything, and throws down the emphatic two-handed slam, icing the 110-104 win and closing the chapter on another run-in with the Wizards.
Confetti rains down as the Cavaliers enjoy a brief celebration before preparing for the winner of the Hawks-Celtics series.
Remember, gang, it’s an early start tonight – 6 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time. (If, for some reason, the Cavaliers lose and I find out some of you forgot to gird up for the first half – you’ll pay with a pound of flesh on Thursday morning.)
Whether your having happy hour brewskies or having a light supper with a loved one – I want you people rough and ready for tonight’s battle royale with cheese. One more win and it’s on to the Money Round.
Get furry, Cavalier fans. Get furious!
And for God’s sake, don’t forget to …
Keep the Faith, Cleveland
Your pal,
The Optimist
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