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Today’s episizode comes to you from the “good” side of the Twin Cities – Minneapolis, Minnesota. I don’t know what goes on across the river in St. Paul. And frankly, I don’t want to.
Minneapolis has everything anyone would ever want: Ted Baxter, Jesse Ventura, the Coen Brothers, Prince, and the Twinkies in an outdoor stadium. Their “evil” twin – St. Paul – has pro hockey, I think.
Some readers are probably still trying to get their ball-bearings from the fakakta start to this season – exspecially after Wednesday night’s loss at the hands of the Raptors.
I wonder if those same readers noticed that, this year, even I didn’t predict an undefeated 82-0 season? (And I called for 82-0 back in the days when luscious Luscious Harris was running the point and little Luke Jackson was our perimeter shooting threat.)
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The Cavaliers didn’t drop a home game – or lose two straight contests anywhere – until mid-February of last year. With two games still to go in the month of October, they’ve already done both.
You’re confused. Wasn’t this supposed to be the best Cavaliers team ever assembled?
It still is. We’ve still got the reigning MVP and an All-Star point guard in Mo Williams. We’ve got two seven-footers, including the Diesel, and we‘ve got the NBA’s Coach of the Year. Every player on the Cavaliers squad – even the guys at the end of the bench – can touch the rim.
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Two things: One, the Cavaliers simply aren’t used to playing with a post presence like Shaq. (They’ll adjust.) Two, they’re really getting used to teams getting their panties in a bunch when they roll into town. They’re the Circus every night. And that goes for Kurt Rambis’ young-and-hungry T-Wolves on Friday night.
The Wine and Gold are the Main Attraction. The Team Bus rolls into arenas like it’s packed with rock stars. And it is.
Even the Bobby Sura Era Cavaliers got it up when Jordan’s Bulls rolled in.
And that’s why I would never be so bold as to call for perfection again. Not like one of my favorite all-time Junior Optimists …
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So it’s been about 5 months from that awful day in Helmand Province, when I found out my beloved Cavaliers couldn't get past the Magic. From what I hear, we needed something more powerful.
Then, from our truck, I noticed a suicide bomber has walked up to us. (All we had to do was power-wash the guts off, and it was good as new.)
Who needs the EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle? Shaquille O’Neal is the Mine-Resistant Ambush Protected vehicle of the Cleveland Cavaliers that is gonna make the difference in this 82-0 season.
Burke
Afhanistan
Burke, like several Junior Optimists, it troubles part of me that you have access to an automatic weapon. The other part of me is very glad that you’re a Cavs fan and that you’re serving our country and putting your arse on the line so, if inclined, I could exercise my First Amendment right and say “The Timberwolves stink!”
Of course, I would never say such a thing. I like the T-Wolves. I’ll be rooting for them the minute we leave town. Al Jefferson is a former All-Optimist Second Teamer and Kevin Love and Jonny Flynn could easily join that list soon. As a childhood Lakers fan, Kurt Rambis was one of my favorites.
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In the first half, for example, Jefferson leads both squads with 16 points at intermission despite his team being down by half a dozen. Kevin Love holds Anderson Varejao to single-digit rebounds, despite one being a put-back that puts the Wine and Gold ahead by a dozen. And what’s not to love about the 17-point, seven-assist effort Jonny Flynn puts up against Mo Williams’ 19 and 10?
The Timberwolves show their moxie on Friday night, but they’re gonna need a bigger boat to top our beloved Cavaliers. Cleveland does what heavyweights are supposed to, winning this one going away, 105-89, rounding third and heading home.
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I know I’ve switched up recently, concluding each column with “Get Nasty, Cleveland” as opposed to the standard “Keep the Faith.” I don’t want to abandon the call to “get nasty.” (In fact, I think we need it right now.) But at least until the Wine and Gold are back on their feet, let’s get back to basics.
Being obstinate doesn’t put dents into the WIN column. It’d be like sticking with a starting quarterback who’s performing terribly just to prove some ridiculous point or enforce a petty grudge. And that’s not the way Cleveland’s professional sports franchises operate.
So if you self-starters would like to get nasty, you have my blessing and support. As for the rest of you hammerheads, now is the time where I will require you to …
Keep the Faith, Afghanistan
Your pal,
The Optimist
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