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Don’t worry, man. The Cavaliers and l will be there for 7 p.m. tip-off at Amway Arena in Orlando – with plenty of time to stop for our free swig of O.J. at the Georgia-Florida border.

And why would anyone be high-strung today? The Wine and Gold are coming off a win, plus … it’s St. Patrick’s Day!

Today, therefore – according to the Optimist Calendar – is the first day of Spring, beating the NCAA Tournament alternate date by three days and the farmer’s almanac date by four days. I don’t need no stupid groundhog to tell me when Spring starts.

St. Patrick’s Day is a day where everyone gets to be Irish – (except the North Koreans) – and the Irish get to show the world that they’re not just all about manners and fine cuisine. Everyone wears their favorite piece of green clothing, there’s a parade through town, and hundreds are out on the streets, drinking in the daylight and telling The Man to shove it!

People celebrate St. Patrick booting the snakes out of Ireland – (not to be confused with our own “Whacking Day”) – in the four corners of the globe. In Copenhagen, they have a huge three-legged race. In Chicago, they dye the river green and chase Dr. Richard Kimble around.

Cleveland’s been celebrating St. Patrick’s Day since 1967. As a wee lad, I used to cut school and take a bus downtown for the festivities. So physically, I’ll be down here in Orlando. But mentally, I’ll be up there with you guys – drunk as a poet on payday.

I’ll be even more mentally drunker after the Cavaliers win their second straight, taking down the third-seed Magic, who locked up a playoff spot with a win over Indy this weekend.

We’ll get to the particulars in a brief moment. First, let’s take a quick peek into the old Optimist Mailbox, where this pertinent gem printed off the E-Master over the weekend …

Optimist,

I’m one of the biggest Cavs fans around, and can say nothing but nice things about them. But I feel like we can blame one person for last week’s 2 losses, and that would be my favorite layer in the world: Damon Jones. It’s not his fault, it’s the Mohawk’s.

It was (expletive deleted) that it had seen its last games and I think it was trying to tell Damon not to get rid of it.

Please convince Damon to keep it, for the sake of the team and all of Cleveland!

Kelly
Bath, OH

First of all, thanks for reading and writing in, Kelly. It’s always nice when an actual female breaks up the beef corral this column usually is. And I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier. As we both know – it’s too late.

But Sunday night’s win proved that it isn’t about a silly “good luck haircut” like the DJ’s sweet Mohawk. Damon Jones can stroke the three – and the Cavaliers can win – no matter what coiffe he’s sporting. And, frankly, the idea of a hairstyle being lucky strikes me as absurd. (Unless it’s the Playoff Beard, which has strange, mystical powers.)

And for you voters on cavs.com, Damon can’t just sport any look – like Kid’N’Play or a mullet. Damon Jones is pretty, the Greek ideal. Some would even say the World’s Most Handsome man. Remember, discretion is the better part of valor.

On Monday, the newly-shorn DJ hits three of his game-high five three-pointers in the first half, as the Cavaliers take a five-point lead – 56-51 – into the locker room. But Hedo Turkoglu makes short work of that, netting 12 points in the third quarter as Orlando wrests the lead back.

It’s nip-and-tuck down the stretch and Joe Smith’s jumper ties the game at 93-93 with 33 seconds to play. Ben Wallace blocks Dwight Howard’s dunk attempt and the Cavaliers get the final possession with 14 to go.

Delonte West in-bounds to McBron and the Magic decide to let Keith Bogans check him. Bogans tries to force the young King outside, but McBron gives him a little shamrock shake and takes it right to the cup, dunking over Dwight Howard’s outstretched arms.

The Cavaliers win it in dramatic fashion – 95-93. Ben Wallace grabs a game-high 17 boards; McBron finishes with 41.

That’s all for today, people. You don’t want to spend your day reading about St. Patrick’s Day. You want to be outside enjoying it!

If you’re in the downtown Cleveland area, stop at a place called A.J. Rocco’s on the corner of Huron and E. 9th – right by The Q. They’ll be doing their annual St. Baldrick’s Celebration, where you can get your head shaved and help with the cure for kids’ cancer.

If you have a full head of hear, it’ll grow back. If you don’t, you’ll probably be better off. Go get your wig busted and do it for a good cause. That way you can’t say I was just a loud-mouthed, drunk moron on St. Patrick’s Day. You can say I was a loud-mouthed, drunken moron who did something good on St. Patrick’s Day.

Peace-out, lads and lasses. Have fun and be careful. And whatever you do: Don’t Drink and Drive!

I’ll see you peeps back on the North Coast for the matchup with Detroit on Wednesday. I think you can all sense that the time is at hand to …

Keep the faith, Cleveland

Your pal,
The Optimist

COME ON, CAVS! ©1975

please play loudly