Click here to contact the Optimist -archives-

Let’s cut to the quick, shall we?

Our beloved Cavaliers come to Boston in need of a victory on Wednesday.

The Celtics – whose postseason road ineptitude was exacerbated on Monday night at The Q – don’t have to win a single road game throughout the playoffs and can still win the NBA Championship.

The Wine and Gold need Wednesday night’s Game 5. They don’t want to come back to Boston on Sunday afternoon. And that’s the truth, Ruth.

I don’t want to harsh your buzz, Cavalier fans. You’re still high on life from TheBron’s earth-shattering, human-life-disregarding dunk in the closing moments of Monday night’s 88-77 win. I don’t blame you.

FEAR THE BEARD!

And I do think that the Cavaliers are now in the Celtics’ heads. Just maybe, the Bostonians’ bark is worse than their bite. After all, these haughty New England-types are known for their braggadocio. I once knew a man from Nantucket, and you talk about a guy who could blow his own horn!

But after all the extracurricular jackassery of the Cavaliers’ First Round series against the Wizards, I wanted to come into the Second Round and see some old-time basketball. Clean basketball. The Celtics are my most-hated sports team of all-times, but I was willing to build a little birdhouse in my soul, like it says in the Bible.

Then, on Monday night, it happened.

On a breakaway late in the first half of Monday’s win, Paul Pierce wrapped up and fouled TheBron instead of letting him mash one in his grill. Not a bad idea – but the tangle then spilled into the section of fans sitting on the baseline – TheBron’s mom, Gloria James, among them.

Now, to us – he’s TheBron: planet Earth’s best basketball player, the face of the franchise and the NBA. But to Gloria – that’s just her baby boy. By the time Kevin Garnett intervened, the Chosen One’s mom was ready to throw. And frankly, the Big Ticket was lucky that her son was there to diffuse the situation.

Like TheBron’s Angry Meter™ – (below) – the good-natured Gloria James also has a threshold for how much mess she’ll take before she has to put her foot up somebody’s rectangular. Normally, she’s right around a 2.8 (blissfully competitive). But the reigning Defensive Player of the Year – and his little buddy, Paul Pierce – got G-L-O-R-I-A cooking at about a 9.6 (thoroughly foamingly furious). Bad idea.

Y’all just lucky we didn’t bring Gloria James up to Beantown with us.

(Or did we?)

You Celtic fans will have to wait until game time to find out. But I’ll be happy to tell you about how her only son intends on taking a 3-2 series lead back to Cleveland. That, right after we check out this excellent piece of international mail the E-Master printed off just hours ago …

Hey Optimist!

I have a little question!

I listen that 'Cavaliers Invite Fans to Share Great Ideas'... and

I'm big fan of the Cleveland Cavaliers from Poland. We have a lot of basketball fans, including a lot of Cavs fans. The news and a lot of information about Cavs was a secret for ours Cavs fans, because not everyone can good English.

Than, to help FANs we maked a Polish Unofficial Site about Cleveland Cavaliers - www.cavs.e-nba.pl (and that was perfect idea). One of ours source's is of course, cavs.com. Everyday the readers write only the really, authentical news, article about Cavs etc.

We love CAVS! Now we are all union, and cheer CAVS! I think that's is good? - the Cavs want to have fans of all over the world! - and we gather him :] I'm thinking about that, if Cavs.com can paste/insert our link or button on the main page or anywhere on cavs.com? - We'll be very thankful, because we do it with 'heart'.

I'm waiting for re-mail! Big regards from Poland!

Link: www.cavs.e-nba.pl

Name: Maredbor
City: Poland

Wow. Now that’s a letter, baby! Big regards to you, too, Maredbor. But I have to tell you, I can’t re-mail you back because I only have an e-mailing machine and not a re-mailing machine. Unlike you Poles, we Americans aren’t made of money.

I actually clicked on Moredbor’s site and I found it very interesting. Not only do the Poles call him “LeBron” like the fancy-pants French. But their call-out from Monday’s win was this …

Boston próbowa³ robiæ wszystko, by odnieœæ swoje pierwszej wyjazdowe zwyciêstwo w Playoffs, lecz not in Cleveland, baby! Cavaliers po wyrównanym, pe³nym walki spotkaniu pokonali Boston Celtics 88-77, dziêki czemu wynik serii wynik jest remisowy, i wynosi 2-2! Wróciliœmy z bardzo dalekiej podro¿y! Bohaterem Cavaliers by³ LeBron zaczynaj¹cy byæ 'tym Lebronem'. LJ zapisa³ 21 punktów (7-20), 13 asys...

… and the reason I showed you is because the only discernible words besides “Cavaliers” “Boston Celtics” and “Playoffs” were: “not in Cleveland, baby!”

I love that!

Maredbor – welcome to the elite ranks of Junior Optimist. Na zdrowie, my friend!

I feel that you and your little Polish friends will be quite happy with the results of tonight’s critical Game 5 matchup.

But it doesn’t seem so with four minutes left in regulation. Anderson Varejao and Ben Wallace have fouled out and Boston leads by seven – 80-73 – with the ball and big momentum. Boobie Gibson and Wally Szczerbiak lead the Cavaliers with 13 points apiece. TheBron is shooting 40 percent from the floor, but he’s only taken 10 shots.

TheBron is cruising along at an even 7.0 (simmering) when the series takes yet another dramatic turn. With 2:09 remaining, Kendrick Perkins meets TheBron in mid-air on a dunk attempt – sending the young King flying into the lap of Bob Finnan, beat writer for the News-Herald, positioned along the baseline.

TheBron’s had all he can stands. He can stands no more. (Bob's none to happy about it, either.)

No. 23 escalates to a 9.2 (inordinately irate), scores the next seven points and swats Ray Allen's three-pointer, which proves to be the pivotal play of the night. Like the game before, TheBron punctuates the victory with a monster mash between three defenders – sending swarms of Chowds chasing for the exits.

Cavaliers win Game 5 – 86-83 – outscoring the Celtics, 13-3, down the stretch. The Cavaliers take a 3-2 series lead back to Cleveland – poised to take the cake on Friday night at The Q.

Get ready, Boston: We’re coming to your town. We’ll help you party down.

And we are bringing TheBron.

As for you blockheads back home and in Eastern Europe, like Delonte West says: “Hands down, man’s down.” You gotta believe, Cleveland! And you gotta …

Keep the faith, Poland

Your pal,
The Optimist

COME ON, CAVS! ©1975

please play loudly