Attention, Junior Optimists! Drop your jocks and grab your socks – we’ve got work to do.
What do you mean, it’s Sunday and you’re just waking up?! Don’t you realize that A. it’s game day, and B. it’s Mother’s Day?
Get it together, people. The Wine and Gold already have. On Friday night, it was ABC – All-Business Cavaliers – as they came into the Garden and smote the crap out of Boston in Game 3. TheBron set the tone, mauling the Celtics in the first quarter and keeping his boot on Boston’s neck until Coach Brown pulled starters ahead by 35.
That’s what 11 hours and 660 miles of Mike Brown tearing his team a new corn-chute on the Team Bus will do for a squad. You saw Coach lose his cool at the podium the other night. We saw it through most of Pennsylvania. And we all saw the results on Friday night in Beantown.
Not long after the Cavaliers bludgeoned the Celtics at the Garden, Josh Beckett and the Red Sox were humiliated by their natural enemy, the Yankees. (And got dropped again on Saturday afternoon, with TheBron in attendance.) Friday night also saw the Bruins fail to close out the Broad Street Bullies in their Semifinal series.
Now, I don’t write this because I want to rub it in these stupid Chowds’ collective face. (Maybe a little.) I write it because this is when Boston squads are at their most dangerous: when they’re backed into a corner like the mangy dogs that they are.
The Wine and Gold will have to attack the Celtics as hard, or harder, than they did on Friday night. They know that it won’t be that easy in the Garden on successive occasions.
We’ll get to tonight’s hard-fought victory. Right after we whip this out …
One of my favorite moments on Friday was A.P. getting himself a Rondo-sized bird and then splashing home a silky trey. The only thing missing was a sassy remark by Austin Carr to make it official. I tell you what, these postseason commentators aren't up to snuff.
I really miss Freddy and Austin. Like, a lot.
You know what, Nic – we all miss … wait a minute … did you just call me “Oppy”?! That’s no good. I’ll go by a lot of different handles, but “Oppy” isn’t one of them.
To your point, I agree. Jeff Van Glumby and Mark Jackson are no match for Freddy Mac and the mighty A.C. I mean, the national broadcasters do a nice job, but these days I don’t know who’s catching them a bird or shuffling their shoes or throwing the proverbial hammer down.
Losing A.C. and Fred for a deep run into the postseason is a Faustian bargain, for certain.
At this point, I would normally run down X-amount of birds caught and Y-amount of hammers thrown. But I once remember my beloved little boss, Phyllis Salem, telling me that she doesn’t care about all the numbers and statistics and stuff. The Optimette says the same thing.
They don’t care how many assists Mo Wilson had or if J.J. Hickman provided a spark off the bench. They just want to know who won and who did good.
I think it’s a woman thing. So, for Mother’s Day, I’m going to get in touch with my feminine side for this recap, which starts out with Kevin Garnett acting like a total jerk.
He’s totally pushing Andy in the back and has to sit down with three early fouls. Antawn Jamison seems to like this development, and starts making all these crazy shots to give the Cavaliers – who are once again wearing those awesome dark wine and gold threads – a 55-50 lead at half.
PAWS OFF MY
For no real reason, TheBron seems to be really angry in the second half, but he plays very well because of it. Actually, he makes every shot he tries in the quarter, including three slam dunks. Still, Boston is really close heading into the fourth.
In the final quarter, neither team can pull away, but Paul Pierce hits a shot with 18 seconds to play that puts Boston ahead by one.
On the Cavaliers final possession, the Celtics throw everyone but their silly little mascot “Lucky” at TheBron, so he throws it over to Delonte West – who hits the jumpshot at the buzzer.
The Cavaliers go nuts, swarming Delonte at center court.
Cleveland takes Game 4 in dramatic fashion – 103-102, I think.
There you go, Phyllis. Hardly any numbers. Just Delonte West – who most women love – hitting a sweet shot to win it for the Cavaliers – who all women love.
As for the rest of you dummkopfs, don’t forget to treat your mother or wife right today. Get her a card or some flowers. Instead of having her cook, you should come up with dinner – and not a bag-full of those new KFC™ sandwiches where both buns are made of meat.
Be on your best behavior today and gird up for another tough one, Cavalier fans.
Remember, no one said the postseason would be easy. The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But we have promises to keep. And miles to go before we sleep.
Choose faith, Cleveland