2003.04 Matadors: Bill Beers

Bill Beers

Nickname: Beers

Age / Birthdate: 36 – 4/15/67

Hometown: Hammond, IN

Occupation: Stand-up comic/Actor/DJ/Comedic Stripper

Marital Status: Married

Education: Two years in college, the rest in a brothel.

Hair color: Blond, but balding

Eye color: Baby blue

Height / Weight: 5-9, 325

Waist / Pant size: 46 / 46-30

Tattoos / Birthmarks: Roses on my upper right arm

Criminal Record: Does stalking chefs count?

Favorite animal to eat: Karaboo

Favorite midnight snack: Fig Newtons dipped in beer

Best Buffet: Old Country Buffet. I have to call ahead for them to make extra food.

Most prized possession: Six-foot poster of Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen and Dennis Rodman.

Boxers or briefs: Boxer-briefs

Greatest accomplishment: Comedy at Bike Week in Dayton, Ohio. Becoming a Chicago Matador.

Pet peeves: Being late. Snobby people.

Dream job: Opening for George Carlin – stand-up comedy.

Celebrity you most resemble: Chris Farley

Female celebrity you’d most like to meet: Margaret Thatcher or The Golden Girls

Most embarrassing moment: I don’t get embarrassed. I take my clothes off on stage during my comedy act.

Three words that describe me are: Funny, fat and fabulous.

I feel sexiest when ... I’m in the bath tub with my bubbles and when the candles are lit.

My idea of a romantic evening is ... sitting home watching movies with my wife and lots of pizza and beer.

My best physical feature is ... my baby blue eyes and beer belly.

I am a BIG Bulls fan because … I am Chris Farley, Jackie Gleason, Curley, John Candy and Homer Simpson rolled into one. The coach won’t let me suit up so I am willing to wear a skirt and pom-poms to entertain our great Bulls fans!

My friends describe me as … nuts, insane, a wild man.

Best advice or quotes: “Always keep ‘em laughing” and “Once you have fat, you’ll never go back.”