It’s official. This weekend, Atlanta’s Philips Arena is the world headquarters of basketball. I could list all the basketball players, ex-players, coaches, executives, broadcasters, and other assorted legends that are going to be there, but I don’t think you have time to read all those names right now. Let’s just say, the arena seats 19,445, and they’re going to need every single chair.
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The thing about stars like that is, when they are backstage at a place like Philips Arena, they are used to being the center of attention. Let’s face it. Those are the kinds of celebrities that are accustomed to having the best dressing room in the house—a nice big room, with a buffet, a private bathroom, some champagne on ice and all that stuff. If you do the math on that many square feet of dressing rooms times this many celebrities, it quickly becomes clear that they’re going to need to take some evasive action. Especially when you consider that the best dressing room in the place, the Hawks’ spacious locker room—truly one of the nicest in the NBA—is already spoken for.
What are we to do? I called a friend in the Hawks public relations department to see how they are handling the celebrity dressing room crunch, and he said all of the people responsible for that—the operations department—were too busy to answer my questions. I can’t say I’m surprised. After checking around online, I understand what they’re up against. I found copies of some legal documents that show everything Mariah required backstage during one of her tours, and it sounds like a lot of work. The list starts with things like twelve “fluffy” bath towels, a large vanity mirror, a box of bendy straws, and tea for eight brewed from a certain brand of spring water. Also on the list: four large machines to humidify and purify the air she breathes.
Then there is Christina Aguilera’s list, highlighted by organic jicama, raw almonds, and Flintstone vitamins. Those people in operations have their work cut out for them.
I’m sure they’ll work it out. It’s a great building. People that know arenas say this one is up for the challenge. When it opened in 1999, P.J. Carlesimo was head coach of the Golden State Warriors, and said “the locker room is gorgeous. It's one of the best visiting locker rooms I've seen. It seems to be a great facility.”
Besides, I’m sure those people in operations are true professionals. For that matter, so are the celebrities. No doubt Christina Aguilera will knock ‘em dead at Saturday’s Read to Achieve celebration whether or not the jicama (it’s a Mexican root vegetable) she gets backstage is organic. I mean, it’s not like anyone’s going to ask Vivica Fox to “freshen up” in a porta-pottie. Right?
