Posted Jul 21 2010 6:38PM
We already won.
We already won.
Ain't no need to play no mo' games.
Well, that was fast. Back in the quaint old days, it used to be that you had to survive the long grind of the regular season and the minefield of the playoffs before you got to hear Freddie Mercury and Queen belting out We Are the Champions!
But times have changed. The ink was barely dry on those brand new contracts signed by Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh when Flo Rida and his friends popped up on YouTube with what they are calling the unofficial theme song of the reconstructed Miami Heat -- We Already Won.
Why waste time on those stinkin' games when you can sing about what you're going to do even before you do it?
Which gets us to thinking that there might be a few other NBA teams that could already set the 2010-11 season into song ...
Shattered (Rolling Stones) -- The Cleveland Cavaliers have to feel like they've awakened the day after the frat party and all that's left are a lot of empty beer kegs and broken furniture. Gone are LeBron, Big Z, Mike Brown, Danny Ferry and any hope of the playoffs. Look at me, I'm in tatters! I'm a shattered. Shidoobee.
Stuck in the Middle With You (Stealers Wheel) -- The Atlanta Hawks can see the Celtics with their Big Three staying together, the Magic still with Dwight Howard anchoring the middle, the Heat adding a three-headed supercharger to their engine ... and all the Hawks have done is spend a bundle on Joe Johnson to run in place. Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
It's the Same Old Song (Four Tops) -- The Dallas Mavericks have Dirk Nowitzki, still at the peak of his powers, locked up for four more years, Caron Butler and Brendan Haywood back and added Tyson Chandler in the middle. They can win 50 games for an 11th straight season and finally win it all, right? A sentimental fool am I, To hear an old love song and wanna cry. It's the same old song.
Another Brick in the Wall (Pink Floyd) -- If you're the Washington Wizards and your best player is suspended on gun charges, what was supposed to be a resurgent season goes down the drain. So you knock it all down and to build all over fresh with the No. 1 pick in the Draft. This is where it starts again with a rookie named John Wall. All in all you're just another brick in the wall.
I Can't Turn You Loose (Otis Redding) -- The Denver Nuggets went from Western Conference finalists in 2009 to first-round playoff losers last season. Now they're desperate to get Carmelo Anthony signed to a contract extension before he chooses to ditch the mountains of Colorado for the Canyon of Heroes in Lower Manhattan and join Amar'e Stoudemire in New York. I gotta, gotta, gotta keep on holdin' on, baby. Never, never gonna turn you loose. Keep on, keep on holdin' on.
Already Gone (The Eagles) -- The New Orleans Hornets know that just two years after they won a franchise record 56 games and the No. 2 seed in the West, while Chris Paul was runner-up in the MVP voting, CP3 is now giving wedding toasts that say the party is over in the Big Easy. I got some news for you and you'll soon find out it's true, then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself. 'Cause I'm already gone.
You're Never Over (Eminem) -- Boston Celtics' coach Doc Rivers can't resist taking one more ride with creaky Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen. But he better have brought along plenty of rubbing alcohol. I miss the days of old, thinkin' about you. You may be gone, but you're never over.
Empire State of Mind (Jay-Z, Alicia Keys) -- The New York Knicks can forget LeBron. Never mind Joe Johnson. After all those seasons in the desert, Amar'e Stoudemire is ready to be the star that carries the show by himself -- at least until Carmelo and CP3 arrive. These streets will make you feel brand new, big lights will inspire you. Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York.
Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours (Stevie Wonder) -- The Thunder say let LeBron and Bosh jump to Miami, Amar'e bolt for New York and Boozer make tracks for Chicago. Kevin Durant is staying right at home in Oklahoma City, where the future is so bright you need sunglasses. Here I am baby. Oh, you've got the future in your hand. Signed, sealed delivered, I'm yours.
Can't Buy Me Love (The Beatles) -- The New Jersey Nets' newest and richest owner in the NBA, billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov, was supposed to touch down in his private jet from Russia and offer a mountain of rubles that would entice LeBron and a handful of his A-list friends to play the next two seasons in Newark. Instead he got Jordan Farmar, Travis Outlaw and Johann Petro. I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love.
Beat It (Michael Jackson) -- The Orlando Magic have spent the past two seasons establishing themselves as a dominant Eastern Conference force and a championship contender. Then in a nationally televised moment that was skimpier than a South Beach bikini, Dwight Howard, Stan Van Gundy and their playmates were shoved aside and became the second-ranked team and story in their own state. Showin' how funky and strong is your fight. It doesn't matter who's wrong or who's right. Just beat it, beat it. Beat it, beat it, beat it.
My Baby Left Me (Elvis Presley) -- The Phoenix Suns nurtured, coddled and made Amar'e Stoudemire the featured part of their offense for eight seasons, making three runs to the Western Conference finals. After their third trip came up short again, Stoudemire bolts to become a big-time winner. In New York? You know you left me, you know you left me. My baby even left me, never said goodbye.
Papa's Got a Brand New Bag (James Brown) -- Every time you think that San Antonio Spurs' boss Gregg Popovich has ridden his championship trio of Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker to its absolute limit, the Spurs make a tweak here -- DeJuan Blair -- and a big addition there -- Tiago Splitter -- and they're right back in the thick of the West playoff picture. He ain't no drag. Papa's got a brand new bag.
Won't Get Fooled Again (The Who) -- The L.A. Clippers have Blake Griffin, Al-Farouq Aminu, Eric Bledsoe, Baron Davis, Eric Gordon, Chris Kaman and Vinny Del Negro. Don't you have to figure they are finally are primed to take off as playoff contenders? Then I'll get on my knees and pray, We don't get fooled again.
All the Single Ladies (Beyonce) -- In L.A. Lakerland, Phil Jackson's back for the victory lap that could pump up his championship jewelry collection to an even dozen, Kobe's still Kobe, Pau remains the most trusted and dependable sidekick since Tonto and crazy ol' Ron Artest is probably lying on a psychiatrist's couch still wearing his uniform from Game 7. Yeah, they're ready. Put a ring on it.
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